tao1776

I moved from the summer campground to an old rest home in Providence, RI that was converted into a training center for upcoming "ministers of the Gospel." The Lady's mother signed over permission for her to move there as well. It was here that she met her father for the first time since she was five years old. A career military man, he never paid a dime in child support. Any communication (which was very little) was through letters sent to the grandmother in Ohio who then forwarded them to wherever her son was stationed. Since his estranged daughter was now living out of state and asking about him, he thought it safe to pay a visit. He was tall and sported the traditional military haircut. He brought his wife with him, whom he had met in Germany. She wore a bee hive blonde hairdoo and spoke in guttural german tones. She outweighed him by perhaps fifty pounds. The contrast of his thin tall reserved demeanor and her stiff and bold approach made their relationship interestin...

Our little planet. Look at it. Concentrate! The history, the wars, the life and death of millions known and unknown. Concentrate! Is any activity of value? Fighting and hatred or compassion and love. Does one merit more than the other? Concentrate! Wars and disease are remembered for their destruction. The acts of compassion are remembered in the lives and faces, the names and texts of those as bold as love. Concentrate! Look upon the unseen activity on our little planet.

The late autumn nights allowed the winter snow to invade New England early. I drove my 1969 Impala to several bible study groups held within the homes of my new found friends. 1974 saw the climb of social change and anti war activism begin it's decline into a freefall of empty direction. We were withdrawn from the jungles of south east Asia, Nixon had resigned from the White House. (ironically, Cheney and Rumsfeld received promotions and dug themselves deeper into the political world of intrique and deceit) The bohemian lifestyle and dress was seized upon by the fashion designers and they quickly provided every high school student tie dye and beat up jeans. Long hair, American flags on the backs of dungeree jackets, everything had lost value. Jimi, Jim and Janice were dead. There wasn't a higher purpose invoking the march forward to a better world. More than a dozen high school friends had checked out early in a variety of ways. Working a full time job only to spend it all o...

I've been shaving many years..about 35 years in fact. So you know that I've tried every fad known to man. Last year they came out with the battery sensor Gillette super duper razor. I still wasn't impressed. A straight razor is the best. But Old Spice came out with this disposable.....w/ 4 blades. Lightweight, inexpensive. I am impressed and I get many shaves. I do the face everyday and shave my head every other day...unless I have a date (wink).... You know that I'll never steer you wrong...Try it?

There was a time when I could trust my intuition. When I was in my early thirties, making a go of things, chasing the American Dream, I was over exposed to isocyanates. This spiraled into poor health and disability. During some convalescence and bouts of coughing until blood appeared, my back muscles became quite atrophied. Quite disturbing, considering that I considered my strong back an asset, allowing me to grab a full grown man and lift him high above my head. As my back became weak and spasms grew into sciatica, I took pain medication and alcohol to help me continue through life. During a bout of alcohol and general screwing off during a camping trip, I round house kicked and felt my back muscles pull...taking my breath away. So....I took more pills, drank more alcohol and rode my bike, swam my ass off and raised holy camping hell. The next day I was unable to walk. The next ten days were spent in the hospital. The next year was spent in a back brace and with a cane. The second ye...

Even with my short term memory failing me when I least expect it, one gift that I have not lost is that I never forget a face. Even if I have not seen the person in many years. It has been fun working the new job as everyone comes in to buy from a hardware store. I have changed much over the years. Long hair to shaved. Big beard, short beard, no beard, moustache, to what ever it is I have now. Reddish brown hair and beard to white beard, shaved head....etc....... I have seen some people that I haven't seen in twenty years and they are surprised when I ask them a question that only an insider would know. When they ask me who I am it is fun to see their reaction and surprise. But imagine my surprise when I thought Punk Rock Mommy or perhaps Gem ll (or ll) came walking into the store. http://www.punkrockmommy.blogspot.com/ http://thejuxtapositionofherandihere.blogspot.com/ It couldn't be of course. They say that everyone has a twin or look-a-like out in the world. But what if you ...

I've had a thing for Maureen for some time now. Her whiney voice, humor and cutting edge disection on politics...from each side of the aisle. I know that the red hair helps. I go ga-ga for the red heads. But what draws me the most I think is the unavailability of it all. She seems to need no one. It's what draws me to Coulter as well. Hate her politics, but I also believe that even she doesn't believe half of what she says. It's her schitck. But the man in me wants to bed these two woman something fierce. These strong willed, dominating woman! I like it!!! Turns me on.

"There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says 'Good people drink good beer.' Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it." -- Hunter S. Thompson Anyone who knows me knows that Guinness Extra Stout is a deep dark ray of sunshine for me. It is a shame that most beer patrons want their beer cold and they want it fast. Everyone has heard about Guinness and the "perfect pint" never really understanding the meaning behind the phrase. The Perfect Pint Here, for your consideration, is one method to attain the perfect pint of Guinness... The first requirement is an imperial pint (20oz) glass. The glass should be clean, dry, and room temperature. In no circumstances use a chilled glass, or one that has not been cleaned properly. NOTE: a properly prepared glass will exhibit excellent ring-sustaining features. Next, make sure the dispensing equipment is in proper working order. ...

We had our first real storm of the season today. It come through real quick but dropped as much as a foot in some areas. I think we fell into the 8" to 10" range. The Buddha sits outside my back door in good weather and bad. He sits unperturbed regardless of what goes on around him. Yes, this is but a statue, a figure, but it is symbolic of what I aspire towards. But, I digress. I wanted to mention the many winters that I have seen and mention some events that I remember well. I remember the snow forts that were built in the neighborhood on each side of the street that made for some memorable wars. I remember a storm that covered my father's car, completely hiding it from view. My straight edge sled that slid down the hill after me when I hit a tree. It came after me backwards and plunged the blade deep into my upper thigh. This hill saw us riding down on car hoods and trunks. It saw my buddy break his leg in two places. I remember staying late at the sandbanks after a d...

Twenty five years ago. Hardly seems possible. The Lady was pregnant for our second who was born on the twenty first. I cried twice that month. Once for a death, once for a birth. Out of the countless Beatles fans, you could catagorize people into two positions. Those that related to Paul, and those that related to John. Paul was clean, fun loving and liked to keep things simple. John was dark, more complex. Whereas Paul talked of "silly little love songs", John wanted rock that inspired change and tackled the problems of love and the hardships of life. John wrote, How Do You Sleep So sgt. pepper took you by surprise You better see right through that mother’s eyes Those freaks was right when they said you was dead The one mistake you made was in your head Ah, how do you sleep? Ah, how do you sleep at night? you live with straights who tell you you was king Jump when your momma tell you anything The only thing you done was yesterday And since you’re gone you’re just another day...

It's amazing how we, as Americans, who have fought so hard against dictatorships, communism and fascism, are now so willingly led towards the soup lines of the Great Depression. The only place where you can be relatively safe is to be in government. "Under Office of Personnel Management rules, Cunningham can keep his congressional pension despite the guilty plea,".....Though convicted of taking over 2.4 million dollars in bribes, his pension is secure. Meanwhile, a booming, successful company like Verizon has announced a pension freeze for some of their employees. Plant closings are all around us. The economy is going to hell. the rich are getting richer. When the heads of the oil companys were brought in to testify before congress regarding price gouging, they were not under oath. They lied. It is common knowledge. It has been proven. It is not perjury because they were not sworn in. We just bend over and take it! My story of going from $00,000 yr to $11 hr. is a dime ...

.....every cloud has a silver lining? .....positive words and phrases .....a spin, a poke, a push to see above what we feel? To be, to be. Be too, are we. The author and finisher, alpha, omega. Beginning to end.

memories accumulate in many forms; tangible, intangible. like an old pair of pants that got lost in a jumble of clothes stuffed into the closet. the day comes where the decision to pare down and donate the excess, long unworn and untouched, and you recall this and that. hey! I was thirty pounds lighter then! I had long hair then. Remember that full beard? On my return to work, the Lady has decided to get the home front back into shape. The mud hall closet; remember how the doors would no longer close due to the excess of boots, coats, and God knows what? The bathroom that had accumulated clutter and a closet to match the mud hall closet. The kitchen cabinets that are jammed full of bowls, pots, pans... We sat in the kitchen last night going through the list of donate and hand me downs. My daughter will benefit from many bowls, baskets, pots and utensils. Her neighbor too. There are many bags going to the donate center. Good, usable stuff. And then there is the stuff we're going to ...

I began my third week at the True Value hardware store today. I walk to work when the weather cooperates. It takes about fifteen minutes. After years of a one hour, one way commute, this is a blessing. As an observer of people, places and things, I enjoy the stimulation behind the short walk to work. A synopsis of my position would include customer service through assisting people find items, suggestions on use, cashing people out and restocking, restocking, restocking. About 50% of the daily customer base is on account. Schools, the town, businesses, contractors...all purchase on account. I told the Lady recently, that if I manage to stay for a year, I could run for office. I see everybody. I am a personable conversationalist. A gift I learned to hone during my days of working within the mental health system. You learn a great deal about winning friends and influencing people when you lead a schizophrenia men's group and meet with psychiatrists. The downside comes when you are sti...

Saturn completes its cycle around the Sun about every twenty nine years and has over forty moons. Some of these moons complete Saturns orbit in less that one orbital day, some take upwards of fifteen, twenty and almost eighty days. One moon orbits in an opposite direction in relation to the others and it takes close to two years to make its orbital completion. So what?

The key needed to be filed in just such a way so that a slight movement inwards and to the left enabled the tumblers to fall into place. In line with the teaching of interdependent origination, that which is before creates that which comes next. Just so... His mind knew a clarity hence before unknown. There were fasts limited to twenty fours hours that were performed with little to no understanding. There were several for three days that matched the incentive of the first; that is, to do what the others were doing. The Buddha had spent his time as an ascetic before his enlightenment and learned from the process that that was not the way. That was not to say that it did not possess merit. Merit is so often misunderstood when discussed within Buddhist teachings. You see a disciple place his prayer-held hands above the crown of the head, moving to the forehead, to the throat and the heart, before he lies in full prostration, only to repeat the process over and over again. The merit of suc...

Snow on the pumpkin. Thanksgiving 2005! The first snow brings some excitement. It looks clean, new. It usually makes me think of a nice fire, a bottle of wine, music.... In my youth, a doobie. Good sex. Ahhhhhhh, miss those days, I do. Nothing in the world to do but pleasure each other. Relax the day away. Then, comes kids, bills, a home, a career.............all this effort to achieve, succeed, compete. It doesn't compare with the sweetness of youth. Oh, if I had it to do all over again, says I. Bullshit. I am sure I'd do the same thing all over again. How to have your cake and eat it too. That's the question.

Got my first paycheck today. At least it was something. After I pay my mortgage, I'll be broke. Still looking for something to bail me out. Maybe an equity loan. Just don't know. I'm trying to sell my ovation to help me purchase some holiday gifts. Not a great loss. Just don't have the interest in music that I once did. I also own a bohdran that I had once promised to master, but it lies in it's case mocking me. Not really though. It just seems that my mind is too full to spend time with an instrument. I used to own a vintage Fender, that I gave to a friend. I had a Martin D35 that I sold to help with closing costs when I bought my home. I had a bass cello that I gave to another friend. Tye Lady once owned an Aria that I smashed over the arm of the couch many years ago. I traded my Martin backpacker and some $$ for this Ovation. Just bored with it. I feel as though I do bitch a lot....Just venting. Really. The world is so full of suffering. How can I piss and moan w...

The mind is more powerful than a locomotive...able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Traced to genetics, upbringing; the nature/nuture of it all, makes for a real mess. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to sort it all out. As a young teen, I entered the counter culture with the entrapment of drugs, music and a little misguided anarchy. Not that anarchy is misguided for I support much of it...and it is too often misunderstood. The misguided part was the juvenile vandalism that we often took part in. In my early twenties, I converted to Christianity. It was an about face that I appreciate to this day, although I no longer think of myself as a Christian. As I studied to become a church pastor, I think my parents were much like those in the cartoon above. My mother never missed a church service if she could help it. Beyond that, you never spoke of your faith. My absorption was as the proverbial fingers on a chalkboard for them. Whereas I thought that they would be pleased, they were s...

After leaving the Emerald City to obtain the wicked witches broomstick, per the wizards request, Dorothy's friends arm themselves. The Tin Man has his axe, the Lion brings a canister of pesticide and the Scarecrow, a gun. In an effort to gain some prop to help ward off the fear of what they expect to encounter, they feel the need to arm themselves. Our minds act much the same. We arm ourselves with allegiances, to country, to team, to something bigger than ourselves. We align ourselves with an image, a logo, a flag, a dogma, a credo, in an effort to attach ourselves to something. Meditation melts much of this away. Belief systems fade and are slowly replaced with awareness. What? You didn't notice that the Scarecrow carried a gun? After the flying monkeys carried Dorothy and Toto off to her castle, it was dropped in favor of wit and intuition. Good thing.

Frustration comes easier than hunger sometimes. I mean, the actions of the world's terrorists cannot be condoned. But the vicious circle spins round and round. Watching it makes one dizzy to the point of puking. If you stand to one side, like a parent that waves to their child at each spin of the merry go round, it lends confidence that both feet are firmly planted on the ground. If only it were so.The American government has a long standing history of supporting governments, factions, political movements, revolutionaries or individuals, if it is seen to be in America's best interest. The consequences of such choices be dammed.If your friend behaved as badly, you would turn your back on them. Instead, anyone who questions the GOP's actions are accused of trying to rewrite history or of not supporting the troops. Holding thousands without due process and kicking aside the Geneva Convention is okay because we support the constitution and talk about the goodness of America. Mo...

Miss Brielle came for supper last night. We visit with my daughter and let Brielle explore, play and entertain us. She found the phone. She wandered into the kitchen jabbering into the phone with a big grin spread across her face, and handed it to us. A few minutes later, the police called asking if we had an emergency, and a policeman showed up a few minutes later. "There's the culprit," I said, pointing out Brielle, who met him at the door. She greeted him warmly and officer Geoffry was quite pleased. Just the sort of domestic call every officer loves responding to.

I used to hang out down at Jack's Pool Hall You go down there and don't do nothin' at all If you wanted to play some cards there was a game in the back If you wanted to shot or somethin' you went and talked to Jack If you had a little money you was a grade A fool There was a guy down there who used to shoot a little pool Rack 'em up Till' the day he was dead that all they ever said Rack 'em up He didn't own a TV set, didn't own a car He ate what whatever Jack was makin' back behind the bar They said he had a wife, but she left him in tears He hadn't been home in twenty five years Rack 'em up They came from all over thinkin' they we're pretty hot Put all their money on the table, wanna play the best we got Nine in the corner, five in the side Take a hundred dollar bill and just let it ride I tell him listen son, ain't no disaster There ain't no shame in being beat by a master ...Johnny Lang As a professional observer of the...

The local rock group down the street Is trying hard to learn their song Seranade the weekend squire, who just came out to mow his lawn Another pleasant valley sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Rows of houses that are all the same And no one seems to care See mrs. gray she’s proud today because her roses are in bloom Mr. green he’s so serene, he’s got a t.v. in every room Another pleasant valley sunday Here in status symbol land Mothers complain about how hard life is And the kids just don’t understand Creature comfort goals They only numb my soul and make it hard for me to see My thoughts all seem to stray, to places far away I need a change of scenery....a Carole King lyric His father was an executive at the local paper mill who wanted John to follow in his footsteps and have a good life. During his senior year in high school, John's anxiety appeared to grow. "I don't know what to do with my life after high school," he said often and no one knew what to say. Everyon...

I got hired today at the local hardware store. Although it is $16 less an hour than my last position, I can walk to work. It will save $$ in gas and perhaps help me lose the weight I've gained from 11 months of sloth. My bedraggled son came by as well. Looked like absolute hell. He agreed to enter detox. That took most of the day. I feel so bad for him but only he can do it for himself. My re-entry back into the work force and his move to detox has stress settled into my spine. I walked and hung from the inversion board in an attempt to stretch myself into some relief. Damn!

During Samhain the mind often remembers those that have passed on. This is my father in France during WWII. He has been gone since Oct. 1987 and I miss him. This is the new year, or the dark half of the year and a time to celebrate with a feast and a bonfire. This is the table awaiting the arrival of our guests where we celebrated with food and fire. Thanks, Dad. I appreciate all that you did or tried to do for the family. It was never easy for you, was it?

I had the vague feeling that I sold my soul to the devil this weekend. $$ is tight - no job in sight! I had a half a box of cheeze-its for supper the other night. Then, with only a few dollars in the pocket we did the deed. We bought double cheeseburgers at McDonalds. Then....to top off the weekend's evil, I applied for a job at Wal Mart. What does this all mean? Have I succumbed to the evils of corporate America? Have I entered there through the portal of poverty? I swore off Micky D's years ago. I shun Wal Mart as much as possible and would rather support the smaller guy as much as I can. Wal Mart has embodied corporate evil in many ways and their application process made me feel like I was signing up for the mark of the beast. You know, 666? After the initial application questions of name, address, blah, blah, blah, you have to answer approximately sixty four questions. You answer in the form of strongly agree to strongly disagree. Questions that appeared to weed out pot sm...

It is hard for me to really take my recent setbacks seriously. I mean, I am in panic and depression. I have only enough money to pay November mortgage and a few other bills but no money for groceries. I have sent out many resumes. I have had interviews. I have been outright ignored due to the volume of applicants to any position listed. I am most often in two categories. Over or under qualified. My last position paid $27 her. Now, I have to skip a resume and dumb down an application just so that I can talk to someone. I acknowledge that I am freaked out. Usually, this in and of itself freaks me out because I am the cool one. The Master. Now, I am full of doubt and fear. In the grand scheme of things, it is silly to take my emotional state too seriously. Just turn on the news for thirty minutes. The cold, the hunger, the sickness, the death and destruction, due to war, earthquake or hurricane, is greater than what I am experiencing. I can only guess at their suffering....

traditionally, when you train to fight right handers it throws you off when your opponent suddenly goes southpaw. To expect the unexpected is not wise and only makes for an underlying tension. Those that are aware of the changes in nature know that when the silver underside of the leaves on the tree show themselves, rain is approaching. When the spring peepers go suddenly silent, something is wandering close by. So, although it came as no surprise, the change walked forward as expected and stood there. Since the nature of change is to well, change, it was more than uncomfortable when it continued to loom as large as a mountain. Change can be as the minutes on a clock; the weather from day to day, or as the movement of a glacier. The rate of change may vary but change is constant. My practice has taught me to examine, to note, to withhold judgment as to whether it is good, bad or neutral. I have come to expect that the cycle of change is such that you can observe it. But what if it rema...

The birthday party was a huge success. You only turn one once. In this incarnation at least. The circle of life was well represented today. My daughter holding a birthday party for her daughter. My daughter's friends were present, as well as their kids too. Reminded me of the not too distant past when I held my daughter's birthday party with my friends and their kids. To see all the young twenty something parents and all the little kids running round was fun. We have our kids and the do the best for them. Sacrifice to have them well taken care of. But kids have their own fate; destiny, their own little souls or essense. For all our effort, what will be will be....and that can be a hard lesson to learn. We never give up. The Lady, when she worked with the elderly, would often remind herself when a patient was crass or disruptive, that they were once somebody's child. They were loved and cared for...or at least you hope so, as it was not always the case. But usually, there w...

Just a good deal of frustration lately. Job hunting is going poorly. There hasn't been a paycheck in two months. $$ getting scarce. To top it off...I gave my oldest son an ultimatum on mid week. Hospital/rehab or out. He has been clean of heroin for several years. Things have been tough as he has Bi Polar and is taking interferon for Hep-C. Recently it became apparent that there were several indicators of possible drug use. We danced around it for several months. He has never been a thief. When things turned up missing, a little detective work found his fence. The dance had to stop. He moved out. I belong to a Cyber Sangha. My frustrations and anger have led to a need for some guidance, feedback...or something. Their response has been more the cult of personality and the realization that I need a teacher close to home. Those that are closer to Buddha-hood, enlightenment or whatever....are less likely to show up on a cyber Sangha and jostle at the trough to be heard and seen as ...

One year ago today....Brielle was born and I bought the Ghia. A most memorable day!!!!!

Seven things I want to do before I die: 1) Travel overseas 2) Have enough money so as not to be always behind the eight ball 3) Master Chi Gung 4) Have a week of exhausting great sex in a posh hotel 5) Find a fulfilling job 6) Publish a book 7) See all my kids safe and healthy Seven Things I can do: 1) Meditate 2) See full spectrum of color differences by eye equal to De=.25 3) Mediate 4) Drink 5)Smoke a Pipe 6) Eat too much 7) speak little Seven things I cannot do: 1) Play Guitar well 2) Play Bohdran well 3) Sing well 4) Get more than 85% healthy 5) Find a Fucking job.... 6) Lose the hidden chip on my shoulder 7) Date Kelly Monaco Seven things I say a lot : 1) Fuck! 2) God Dammit! 3) Sigh 4) The bottom line is.... 5) What tha fuck! 6) Dick head! 7) Man! Seven things I find attractive in a female: 1)Red hair 2) Green eyes 3) Likes to laugh 4) Big boobs 5) Little boobs 6) Pick up trucks 7) Jeans and shit kickers, play fiddle or cello Seven celebrity crushes 1) Patty Griffin 2) Julianne ...

New England autumn moon waxing, wanes... Seen by countless generations. So many before me, so many after me. The moon still shines, waxes, wanes.

A Master and disciple are sitting next to a flowing river... Disciple: Master, I do not understand why life can't be full of happiness at all times. Master: What is troubling you? Disciple: Conflicts, conflicts, conflicts. There are just so many of them in my life. Master: Who is causing the conflicts? Disciple: I don't know. I learned that the first step in changing others is to change myself, but you can't keep giving in all the time right? Master: Conflicts are inevitable. No two personalities are alike, there are bound to be differences. It's what you do with the differences that determine whether you are happy or miserable. Disciple: I do not understand master. How can two people who disagree on something make each other happy? What do you do when you have differences with another person? What if my happiness is dependent on someone being wrong and me being right? Master: As you travel your journey through life, there are bound to be those you meet who are in tears...

http://www.wimp.com/yoga/

Krishnamurti showed that all people who seem to be very good and have the highest ideals are really motivated by the same sort of desires as people who rob banks.Only they give their desires a more noble name, so as to better conceal them.(Alan Watts) For some unknown reason, I had a rather Zen approach or understanding to the Bible, especially when it came to the Gospels when I was studying to be it's minister. It created a good deal of difficulty for me as I intuitively understood the spirit of the law and not the letter of the law in much of what I read and applied. Fundamentalists need to be able to fit everything into a tightly knit box and back it up with passages from the Bible. In the time of Jesus, this was also the case as the Pharisees and the Sadducees held strictly to the letter of the law and saw it as blasphemy to do anything less. I recall the religious pride held by those that seemed to separate themselves from the world all the while preaching Jesus and God's ...

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Its hard to believe that another year has passed so quickly. This was one year ago. The company you see here no longer exists in that location. This was last years pumpkin. .............And yet, so much has remained the same.

http://www.duckdaotsu.org/rows.html April 25, 2004 OP-ED COLUMNIST The Orwellian Olsens By MAUREEN DOWD WASHINGTON It's their reality. We just live and die in it. In Bushworld, our troops go to war and get killed, but you never see the bodies coming home. In Bushworld, flag-draped remains of the fallen are important to revere and show the nation, but only in political ads hawking the president's leadership against terror. In Bushworld, we can create an exciting Iraqi democracy as long as it doesn't control its own military, pass any laws or have any power. In Bushworld, we can win over Falluja by bulldozing it. In Bushworld, it was worth going to war so Iraqis can express their feelings ("Down With America!") without having their tongues cut out, although we cannot yet allow them to express intemperate feelings in newspapers ("Down With America!") without shutting them down. In Bushworld, it's fine to take $700 million that Congress provided for the ...

This is the site of many hours of contemplation for Tao1776. Whether reading, smoking my pipe, enjoying a scotch, I have spent many hours into the wee dawn, sitting, watching. I recently focused on the thoughts that have occupied my mind as of late. It is easy to grab on to them and focus on them as they fill the mind with clamour. There has been an incredible amount of thought centered on self loathing, self doubt. I wonder about this sense of mystical thinking that I had picked up over the years. Like some grand plan was going to spring into action and save me from the demise of being 51, over or under qualified and almost broke. I am beginning to think that I may be working at McDonalds & Wal Mart to make ends meet. I plan on applying on Monday unless some miracle appears. And why should it? Not to count out the benefits of contemplation, but if my mind is ill filled with loathing & depression, how can ill mind, heal mind? Contemplation has its drawbacks. ....Meditation,...

The Lady creates 

The colors say it all 

Celebrating Autumn 

1st Hmmmmmm - 2nd Hmmmmmmmmmm - 3rd Hmmmmmmmmm I had listened to the car shift gears too many times to count. I congratulated myself for getting the timing down so accurately. His change and his keys would jingle as he headed down the stairs each morning at 4:30 a.m. Fifteen minutes later he was in his car and heading off to work. 1st - 2nd - 3rd. I wondered who this man was. Aloof and distant except when he needed to assert himself as the disciplinarian, he never missed a day of work. He often worked two jobs. He had his own chair before the t.v. that no one could sit in when he was home. A WWII P.O.W. he had a few friends with whom he would go to the VFW or the American Legion with. Most of his leisure time was sitting alone in the basement on hot summer days. Watching t.v. Home repairs. He was married going into the war. He divorced when he returned home to find that she had a baby that biologically couldn't possibly be his. A sister had also been murdered. His father was an alc...

Regardless of arguments we have had with friends or enemies, the ecstacy of love, the pain of tragedy; time passes. The moon waxes, wanes, and waxes once again. The seasons change, the suns rises and sets again. We are witnesses to birth and to death, time passes. So why do we cling so tightly to that which is never the same moment to moment? Enjoy, yes! Love, yes! Grieve, yes! Say yes to change because time passes.

In the beginning, acid was fun. Soon, choc mesc and orange sunshine grew into eight way and blotter acid and casualities quickly began to appear. Those that continued with its use became the jesters of the group as their thoughts and speech mimiced a bad Cheech and Chong movie. As drug use began to become more diverse with the addition of coke, rocket fuel and opium,some just held fast to marijuana use while some returned to their parents liquid drug of choice The one clear goal shared by all was just getting fucked up. By high school's end, G crashed his bicycle and died of head injuries while S crashed his Honda 175 into a tree and died on the spot. After a big house party where C won the full pot after a night of poker, turned up murdered two weeks later. W left the same party and crashed his vette never getting out of 2nd gear, also dying on the spot. P & H hit a tree killing O and leaving P with the brain of an eight year old. JM shot himself. SL also shot himself. P hung...

It is difficult to feel bad about no money, no job, and the lack of career direction when so much of the world is steeped in war, famine and the struggle to survive. I remember counseling someone who was in my situation some ten + years ago. I felt it important for her to realize that once she did return to work, it would be a matter of months back to work and then she would feel as though all her time off never existed. In other words, enjoy it while she could because she would find a job. It just doesn't always happen as quickly as we would like. We may not find the ideal job. But we will eventually work ourselves back to where we once were...or at least close to it, possibly something better! I have failed in that! Mr. I got it all together, has been frazzled. Disgusting!

things are not always as they appear....