Wonky - Tonk

The mind is more powerful than a locomotive...able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Traced to genetics, upbringing; the nature/nuture of it all, makes for a real mess. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to sort it all out.
As a young teen, I entered the counter culture with the entrapment of drugs, music and a little misguided anarchy. Not that anarchy is misguided for I support much of it...and it is too often misunderstood. The misguided part was the juvenile vandalism that we often took part in. In my early twenties, I converted to Christianity. It was an about face that I appreciate to this day, although I no longer think of myself as a Christian. As I studied to become a church pastor, I think my parents were much like those in the cartoon above. My mother never missed a church service if she could help it. Beyond that, you never spoke of your faith. My absorption was as the proverbial fingers on a chalkboard for them. Whereas I thought that they would be pleased, they were scared and a little disappointed...if not ashamed.
When I lost my health and occupation a year after my forth child was born, they were frustrated as any parent would be over my dilemma. As the medical profession failed me, they were again a little frightened as I turned to Taoist meditation and accupuncture. I explored Buddhism and world religions. I'm sure they thought, "what in tha hell is this kid's obsession with religion?" I tried to explain that I didn't think of it as a religion but a relationship.......with the mind, the Tao.....it was natural for me for as long as I can remember. Even to when I was three years old and I would go across the street to the church parsonage to have breakfast with the church pastor.
As my parents knowingly lay awaiting death, they looked to me for spiritual strength (for the lack of a better word).
But I regress....back to the mind.
Even with the best of intentions, we can find ourselves going into levels of frustration and depression. Even when we know the timing thereof. Every year, about the time of early november, I get wonky. I should set a blog disclaimer. I should stay off. For those of you that had read my last two (now deleted) entries...please strike it from the record.


transience said…
i vote they had stayed on the island. they are bits of you, your humanity--maybe not those which you would consider your most beautiful--but still very much precious. and i like all your bits.
Lost said…
I understand far better than you know. Stay strong.
Rowan said…
I get it, but how come you got rid of them? There was nothing wrong with them!

Anyway, what illness are you referring to you've had that ruined your career?