Sunday, July 12, 2009

No more! No more....


The stench is beyond that of description. The smell of infection and rot, death and decay, can only be hinted at; its true smell being something akin to that of a skunk foraging the pens. The smell of the distant or dead skunk is familiar to all but the smell of being heavily sprayed by a startled woodland is only known by the initiated.
This was my initiation.
Being wet with sweat and feces, lying dead for several days in the fly laden fields, intensifies the smell of decay. Add to that the smell of powder and puke and you will find yourself talking to yourself and singing silly little songs.

James ran up the gap one day
his icy knife in hand
shot off by Johnny Reb
now he's not a man

The glory of war! One day it will cease and the memory of the smell of it will be a distant memory replaced by the smell of clover and babies.


Thursday, July 09, 2009

Who are you?


WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO IDENTIFY WITH ANYMORE,
WHO ARE YOU?

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Taoism furnished the basis for aesthetic ideals, zen made them practical.




It is said that "developing ourselves through loving kindness meditation will help us overcome anger, resentment and hurt. It helps us to empathize more, and to be more considerate, kind, and forgiving. We can also learn to appreciate others more. We learn to be more patient. We also cultivate Metta towards ourselves, so that we experience less internal conflict, and learn to appreciate ourselves more." (source)

"When we practice this meditation, we start with ourselves. That is, we aim to feel more appreciative of ourselves first of all: more integrated and less prone to internal conflicts, before we attempt to develop positive feelings toward anyone else. The basic psychological principle that Buddhists recognize here is that if we can't feel good about ourselves, then we are less likely to be able to feel good about other people." (source)

Let me begin by saying that I was first introduced to meditation in the late 1980's from my Feldenkrais teacher. You see, I suffered a severe back injury that left me on disability for half a decade. This opened for me an opportunity to explore the mind body connection and how it was that I might be aiding or perpetuating my cycle of stress and pain. Awareness through movement (ATM) created an exploration into self responsibility. After reading books by the likes of authors such as Bernie Seigal and Claire Weekes, I began to see how my mind may aid to my cycle of stress and pain. I began to look upon my pain as my friend and teacher. The Feldenkrais teacher introduced me to a set of meditation cassettes produced by her Taoist husband. I began to learn the Inner Smile Meditation.

Things opened quickly. I began to experience new insights. I was happier in spite of my pain. My sense of personal and communal intuition was uncanny. I understood myself and others in a new way. I explored and participated in acupuncture. This also was an immense help. It brought a strong reflex and sensation back to my left leg which had been lifeless since my injury. For the first time in many years, I began to live a life of great expectations.

It was a new beginning.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

The Flag




Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Pouring water into the ocean to make it wet...


Who are we really? What is really the meaning of Life? How can we attain lasting happiness in the face of our seemingly endless troubles? These questions are basic to our lives, and it is from these questions that the practice of Zen has its birth.

Zen can be the compassionate scalpel that removes the layers of accrued opinions, beliefs, and frozen expectations that stand between us and true experience. Zen shows us that what we mistakenly call ourselves, our personal identity, is really no more than a mask over our true selves and natures.

Beliefs, opinions, prejudices, educational and cultural training, our family backgrounds: All these are merely accidental factors, if you will. They are necessary tools for survival and integration into the larger society, but they are not really who you are.

Without falling back on convenient definitions of job, religion, sex and so on, who and what are we? If you lose your job, will you lose yourself? If you convert to another religion, do you substantially change? It may seem so if you are overly attached to these limiting definitions. Despite all these changes, however, something remains the same. What and where is the thing upon which we can stand firm? If the outside is so unstable and prone to change, then it would make sense to look within—to ourselves. But what are we on the inside? What in the world are we?

Zen can help us answer these questions, although Zen itself is not an answer. Zen is, if anything, the biggest question of all. It is the question that becomes a wedge in the cracked shell of our true self, prying us open to a meaning and truth that will have relevance to ourselves alone. It is a dance and a tug-of-war with ourselves. It demands no belief in anything, and instead insists on a great doubt concerning everything we had heretofore taken for granted. While belief is not a requirement, faith most certainly is. Faith is the unspoken, nameless and formless yearning for completion and wholeness.

Alone and unaided, it can pull us to union with our God or true self like a great free-floating balloon. Belief is the anchor that keeps our faith from ever ascending and testing its limits. Belief is the limiting and inhibiting of faith.

Zen points out to us the area of our lives where our faith in our selves has been silenced by the rigidity of belief. Once pointed out, we are freed to ride our faith to heights unimagined and certainly not permitted by the jealous jailer called belief. In Zen practice, the process of identifying and reducing our attachments to our own beliefs, ideas and opinions is sometimes called "putting them down." Just as we would put down a load that has gotten too heavy for us, so too can we put down our heavy load of self, which we identify with our personal situations, ideas and beliefs.

Zen is simply nothing more than paying attention to your life as it unfolds in this moment and in this world. The mindful, non judgmental perception of this process is the action of your true, original self, which exists before thinking, opinions, and beliefs arise and seek to name and divide experience. By becoming mindful of our original nature, we are able to lessen the grip of the denial that separates us from true experience. As we become more spontaneous and intuitive in our relationships with ourselves, others and the world, the world and our deepest selves start to act as one, and we come to realize that there's never been a problem except in our thinking.

Zen is the ultimate and original recovery program. It exposes our denial of true self and shows us how we've suffered because of our diseases of attachment, judgment and division. It suggests a program for recovering our original nature and teaches steps we can take immediately. It shows us how all our other diseases and discontents flow from our fundamental denial of unity with each other and the universe.

Zen is there when you swerve out of the way of a speeding car without thinking. It is there when you cry at a movie, feeling deeply the suffering of another. It is there in the unconscious grace of your walk, the elegant flow of your thoughts, and the automatic breathing that keeps you alive. No, Zen never forgets about you. It is you who have forgotten about Zen. It is you who takes this moment for granted and believes that you are separate from all you survey, alone and unique in your suffering. It is you who search high and low for meaning, contentment, satisfaction or deliverance.

To try to fill your emptiness with meaning from outside yourself is like pouring water into the ocean to make it wet. The practice of Zen is the alarm clock that wakes us up to our lives and enables us to stop sleepwalking through reality. It is the friendly map that says: "Right here is the place. You have always been here. Where else is there?" It is the calendar that says: "Right now is the time. Who could want another?" Zen practice identifies the liars and thieves in the temples of our hearts and casts them out so that we may live as we are meant to live: whole, fearless, and rejoined with that for which we so desperately long. (text by What Is Zen? by Mel Ash)

Friday, June 26, 2009

Car shows and Cruise nights.




On any given night you can find a cruise night or car show within a one hour drive of my home. You will find there many fully restored classics. When a "59 Ford" or a "61 Vette" or perhaps a "66 GTO" rumbles into view it is impressive. Then there are the Falcons, Barracudas, Mustangs and a host of hot rods and other various stock classics.
But I have a fondness for all things air cooled VW. A few years ago I was interviewed on the local radio station during the "Big Block Production Show." Seeing me drive in for show after show in my "Little Hottie" I must have appeared quite the anomaly to this muscle car maniac. He was dying to find out what the attraction was. Like the guy who shows up at the prom with a girl who could eat an apple through a picket fence, I get all sorts of skewed looks.
I spoke with him and to his listeners about my history with owning v-dubs. They are fun. In the winter we could drive the snowmobile trails. I could drive where a rabbit couldn't go. They held the road like a tic on a motor head's ass. I even challenged him to try and keep up with me on a winding back road! 0 - 60 in under 11 seconds may be impressive for these muscled up gorillas. But it can also be extraordinarily expensive when you try and keep up with a 40hp, 4 cyl, 4 speed, poor man's Porsche and possibly head into a ditch. Never mind the embarrassment.

Nope!

No takers on that challenge.

I like it nice and slow.

Like the two bulls that approached the top of the hill and saw all those cows in the valley below.
The first bull said, "Let's run down there and have a go at one."
The second one, older and wiser, looked at the first and said, "No. Let's walk down and we'll have a go with all of them."

Yeah. That's the difference, right there.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Summer Solstice


Its funny, these little quirks that we develop. Whenever I seek to undertake the pursuit of some new goal or make some little change in routine or lifestyle, I like to begin with some notable starting date. Sometimes it just happens for some inexplicable reason.
For example, when my mother passed, I did not trim my beard for several years. In some weird way it was akin to wearing a black arm band; a symbol of mourning. It just felt right.
I've begun weight loss regimens on birthdays or with the start of Beltane. I've begun intensive meditation starting with the beginning of Samhain. I am usually tuned into solstices and moon phases.
So, it comes as no surprise to me that the Summer Solstice 2009 will mark some changes for me.
For starters, I now have an empty room that has been designated as the quiet room. Set aside for meditation, reading and exercise. I am going to begin to assemble the now empty room into my mind's eye rendition of a place of rejuvenation.
I am going to walk more and keep a log to track my effort and success.
I am going to begin several sessions of bee sting therapy, better known as apitherapy. As some of you are aware, I am never beyond 80% and I am seeking to reduce the amount NSAIDS that I take for pain.
And in some strange way, I'm going to try and play my cards a little closer to the vest. A reader once wrote, "Tim at "This Being Human" is one of the most honest writers I know. He's had a somewhat rough time of things lately, yet gamely continues to write with great fearless openness about it all. I aspire to Tim's level of honesty.
We've all heard about, "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
Lets just say that honesty is one thing, stupidity another.

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