This is the site of many hours of contemplation for Tao1776. Whether reading, smoking my pipe, enjoying a scotch, I have spent many hours into the wee dawn, sitting, watching.
I recently focused on the thoughts that have occupied my mind as of late. It is easy to grab on to them and focus on them as they fill the mind with clamour. There has been an incredible amount of thought centered on self loathing, self doubt.
I wonder about this sense of mystical thinking that I had picked up over the years. Like some grand plan was going to spring into action and save me from the demise of being 51, over or under qualified and almost broke. I am beginning to think that I may be working at McDonalds & Wal Mart to make ends meet. I plan on applying on Monday unless some miracle appears. And why should it?
Not to count out the benefits of contemplation, but if my mind is ill filled with loathing & depression, how can ill mind, heal mind? Contemplation has its drawbacks.
....Meditation, the cessation of grasping the thoughts, allowing them to enter and pass through the mind; IS mind healing mind. I need to do more of it.
Lately, my son's addictions and Hep C treatment while he lives at home is contentious. We are doing nothing to help him. All our "help" is just enabling him.
The unemployment situation has me feeling desperate and alot like a rat caught in a maze.
My "Christain Bretheren" would say that many of my life struggles over the last thirty years was the result of me being a "backslider". As one of my associates once stated, "Brother Tim. I heard that dog howling and thought that it might be you."
AAAAAWWWWWWOOOOOOOOO!

Comments

hazel said…
"how can ill mind, heal mind?" i think of that a lot for myself, yet it seems to somehow.

you take beautiful pictures and your porch looks so cozy.
Capegirl said…
Hi Tim

I liked this view of your world, both materially and spiritually. When I feel the way you seem to be feeling right now I hold onto these words from Mahatma Ghandi: " you must be the change you wish to see in the world" I hope that helps a teensy smidge...I also vote for belief in the miracle that you already are :)
Rowan said…
awww, all I can hope is that you don't give up faith, things will eventually get better, but I realize I've said this mantra a while, so it probably isn't having as much impact now. Sorry for that. I LOVE your porch, I too sit and mine and watch the world go by, I wish I had one such as yours tho' it looks so countryish, so relaxing....it's drawing me to it.