traditionally, when you train to fight right handers it throws you off when your opponent suddenly goes southpaw. To expect the unexpected is not wise and only makes for an underlying tension. Those that are aware of the changes in nature know that when the silver underside of the leaves on the tree show themselves, rain is approaching. When the spring peepers go suddenly silent, something is wandering close by.
So, although it came as no surprise, the change walked forward as expected and stood there. Since the nature of change is to well, change, it was more than uncomfortable when it continued to loom as large as a mountain. Change can be as the minutes on a clock; the weather from day to day, or as the movement of a glacier. The rate of change may vary but change is constant.
My practice has taught me to examine, to note, to withhold judgment as to whether it is good, bad or neutral. I have come to expect that the cycle of change is such that you can observe it. But what if it remains looming as a dark cloud, a relentless bully, frozen into position as if to pounce at any moment but refuses to do so?
As one who has been told that death is imminent, I feel as though I have experienced four of the five stages of death and dying. I have heard that victory comes when one feels that there is nothing more to lose. Like finding when you stop looking.