Master - Student
Everything I have put my hand to often turns into a crusade to "help others". Even this blog began as a venting, a self psychoanalysis, a journal of sorts. Soon it became more about others and less about me. I decided to examine that a bit and realized several things.
Many, many years ago, I did have very low self esteem. As a young teen, as a defense mechanism, I began to accumulate a rather cocky attitude. I, of course, had no particular skills or lifestyle that would ordinarily preclude the cocky state of being. I just took a stance as a cocky, proud, sonavabitch as a way to avoid being looked down upon by fellow schoolmates. I wasn't smart, ambitious, a stud, player or hunk. I wasn't an athlete. I was part of the drug crowd but I wasn't defined by it. But, boy.....I did potray myself as unaffected by everything around me and as someone who had it all together. Perhaps I did. Always feeling as a very old soul, I was never one to give in to peer pressure. But clearly there was a time this cocky self assuredness was an act that progressed into who I am.
Now, sometimes it is difficult to seperate where the act ends and the homeostasis begins. I am at peace in spite of enourmous odds. To thine own self be true, is usually as easy flowing mantra for me. But, perhaps I digress.
I have often been in the position of "shrink" - "bossman" - "master".....the one that people turn to. What I have discovered is that I have become accustomed to that. So, it was natural for me, by way of the blog, to manipulate this into another master/student role for myself. I have discussed with others about this being a meditation blog some other forum for me to dole out advise or provide direction.
Well, no. That's not going to happen. This blog is going to be about me. My experiences. My vents. My highs and lows. I'm gonna have fun with it.
Thanks universe for you loving patience with me!!!!!
Many, many years ago, I did have very low self esteem. As a young teen, as a defense mechanism, I began to accumulate a rather cocky attitude. I, of course, had no particular skills or lifestyle that would ordinarily preclude the cocky state of being. I just took a stance as a cocky, proud, sonavabitch as a way to avoid being looked down upon by fellow schoolmates. I wasn't smart, ambitious, a stud, player or hunk. I wasn't an athlete. I was part of the drug crowd but I wasn't defined by it. But, boy.....I did potray myself as unaffected by everything around me and as someone who had it all together. Perhaps I did. Always feeling as a very old soul, I was never one to give in to peer pressure. But clearly there was a time this cocky self assuredness was an act that progressed into who I am.
Now, sometimes it is difficult to seperate where the act ends and the homeostasis begins. I am at peace in spite of enourmous odds. To thine own self be true, is usually as easy flowing mantra for me. But, perhaps I digress.
I have often been in the position of "shrink" - "bossman" - "master".....the one that people turn to. What I have discovered is that I have become accustomed to that. So, it was natural for me, by way of the blog, to manipulate this into another master/student role for myself. I have discussed with others about this being a meditation blog some other forum for me to dole out advise or provide direction.
Well, no. That's not going to happen. This blog is going to be about me. My experiences. My vents. My highs and lows. I'm gonna have fun with it.
Thanks universe for you loving patience with me!!!!!
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