And Gideon said unto God, Let not thine anger be hot against me, and I will speak but this once: let me prove, I pray thee, but this once with the fleece; let it now be dry only upon the fleece, and upon all the ground let there be dew.
Sometimes in life, like Gideon, we look for a sign. Something to show us that we are going in the right direction, taking the correct fork in the road.
In traveling this pathway, this sign, old and rusted, had outlived it's purpose giving no directions whatsoever.
In my desire to "see" a sign, or to have the right direction become clear to me, I consulted the wisdom of the Yi Jing which often tells us what we already know but often refuse to hear.
I have often spoke about the state of being better known as Wu Chi. It is a neutral state that creates the state of being known as Tai Chi. Intuition is sharp. You don't need signs. You intuitively know when to stand still, move forward, retreat....It is a state of peace. It is only acheived through practice. Internal alchemy. Daily meditation. Practice. Something that I have not done.
It is easy to be unshaken in your state of Wu Chi when your belly is full, there is money in the bank, you are the boss at work directing everyone's steps. It becomes difficult when the money is not there. When the future looks dismal. When your job is gone. Your practice begins to fade. Your peace wanes.
Then comes the disgust. The depression. The inability to find any sense of direction. I begin to detest myself. Grace is always available for all but me.