Loneliness is such a....drag

"Spiritual friendship, association with wise and noble friends, and wise and noble deeds are the whole of the holy life." the Buddha

I,ve been watching some of the recurrent thoughts that arise to chastise me and one of the little buggers is the thought and the subsequent feelings of loneliness.
When I was studying and reaching for a life as a Christian pastor, I felt a like-mind with several brothers and sisters that I had met along the way. Sometimes it seemed easy to extend grace toward one another. It was a time of embracing. There was value in "not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together."
This friendship has not been duplicated since. I bear some responsibility for this. The level of fundamentalist Christian teaching that I withstood, questioned, and then left behind, left me lacking in trust of an organized anything: (see previous post)
I have since relied on some of the friendships that developed through blogger to replace that which was not present in my every day life. (Loser?)
The sportsman's club that I belong to bases all friendships within the framework and ritual of getting drunk together.
My older sister and older brother have written me off since me mums death in July of 2004. The older sister wanted me to help her overthrow my older brother as executor of the estate. I would not. My brother put off my help to aid him in the physical removal of home items until it was the most convenient time for him and the least convenient time for me. He cursed me out when I now asked him to delay for a week. I placed several calls to the both of them shortly thereafter in attempts to restore balance but they would not return my calls. And they have not since.
The lodge of Freemasons reminds me that I am a stranger in a strange land. I am most at home with fellow spiritual seekers; Buddhists, Taoists, Shamans...that are free of the stink of religion. You can spend time with them and be completely at ease without saying a word. They embrace you just as you are....how rare is that these days?
But even the blogger relationships that I developed are subject to change. When I spoke out against the war, I lost some friends. As I suffered and tried to deal with some of the fallout of what it really means to be human in This Being Human....loss of income, daily pain, attempted suicide for a family member, confusion, desperation and anxiety...to quote the kids, "You're bumming us out. Dad."
Who in the hell wants to read that crap every day?


Kelly said…
I do!
Gingerman said…
You refer to the Lodge of Freemasons. Positively or not? I would hope that such solace could be found there.
Tao1776 said…
Kelly - it takes one to know one! Thanks!
Gingerman...Positively? Objectively, I'm sure. I have met many great guys through the Lodge. At the same time, it has been for me at best, an altruistic mens club. Not wholly what I was looking for but that should not be construed as a criticism. Freemasonry is about me changing me and not me changing others. I get that. But I feel strongly at times that another vehicle is better suited to me. Not to imply necessarily for you.
May brotherly love prevail!
Sophia said…

One thing I've learned in the past few years is to not form attachments to people. Friends are always coming and going. The excitement of a new friendship lasts for a while, and then things kind of settle down until they dwindle to almost nothing. Now I see it that these people that come and go are the physical manifestations of lessons I'm supposed to learn.

I really REALLY want to be a Freemason, but it really is a bummer that I can't join because I'm a woman.

I think a lot of Freemason lodges are just overgrown boys' clubs, but there are some that really are serious about realizing the relationship with the divine, and improving character.

Anyway, it's time the Freemasons let the women into their lodges - they're starting to starve for new members anyway, so why not? If they know that we all have masculine and feminine essences spiritually, then why are they so afraid of working together physically?
Gingerman said…
Please check out this site:


This Freemasonic Group admits men and women to the full fellowship of Masonry. I have spoken with women Masons from this group. It might answer your needs
Sophia said…
Hi Gingerman,

Yes, "Le Droit Humain". I've looked into them and have emailed some members and lodges but all of them are hundreds of miles away from my house, so I am unable to join because they require my presence in their lodges.

The thing about the Freemason lodges is that there are a few really close to me, but when I spoke to them they said I couldn't join because I'm a woman. :(

I brought this up in a Rosicrucian forum I'm in online - I asked why they couldn't start to allow women - and it was said that the rites are for men only. I asked why they couldn't create new rites that would allow both genders, but it has something to do with "tradition".

It's disappointing because in this day and age it is obvious that equality between the genders (and races) is growing, and the Freemason group that is supposed to be about improving oneself is the one that is somewhat sexist. :(

Sorry for complaining.... just something my ego does every now and then. It's alright - there is a mountain of information and books on the Internet that I can just initiate myself!
Tao1776 said…
Sophie! So you want to be a Mason. How very interesting!
Sophia said…
Yes I do!

In the Cosmic Lodge I'm already an E.A. And so is everyone else whoever can realize that.
Gingerman said…
Don't let the name put you off: The Oddfellows, an order nearly as old as the current manifestations of Freemasonry, accepts women in their "Phyllis" Lodges. My daughter is in one.
Sophia said…
Hi Gingerman,

Thanks for this idea. I am happy to hear of this group because there is a lodge near me according to Google.

Do you know if they also focus on spiritual growth? I mean, are there other initiations besides the initiation into the lodge? Are there degrees like in Masonry?
baroness radon said…
1) Thank you for honoring me with a Facebook friend request. Where did THAT come from?
2) There is a great blessing in being an only child.
3) This current war has been a grand mistake. I think our fathers would agree.
4) My father was a Mason. I gave him a Masonic funeral. It was quite entertaining, and pissed off the step-daughter no end.
5) Your blog is really compelling.
Gingerman said…
To a certain extent I agree that Freemasons could and should admit women in the "mainstream," lodges. With that said, however, no one seems to come down on other fraternities and sororities that discriminate by sex. Just a thought.

I have several friends who are in both the Odd Fellows and the Masons, and find that they compliment each other.

Anything is what you make of it. 90% of Masonic Lodges are a bunch of nice old guys getting together to eat hot dogs. Spirituality just ain't in their minds. There is a rich heritage there if looked for, but most don't.

Those who want to pursue it, go into the adjunct orders, such as Scottish Rite and York Rite, to name a couple, but even there, the social guys outnumber the spiritual ones.

I participated in a Masonic Funeral the other day at Arlington National Cemetary. The family was on board: they asked for it. The army wasn't so happy. The Army Chaplain tried to keep us out of the ceremony, but we prevailed. It helped that two of our number were senior serving officers.

I've been to five of these in the last two months. It is good to show solidarity with those we thought of as brothers and sisters over the years, even (perhaps especially) when we didn't know them face to face.
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