"Spiritual friendship, association with wise and noble friends, and wise and noble deeds are the whole of the holy life." the Buddha
I,ve been watching some of the recurrent thoughts that arise to chastise me and one of the little buggers is the thought and the subsequent feelings of loneliness.
When I was studying and reaching for a life as a Christian pastor, I felt a like-mind with several brothers and sisters that I had met along the way. Sometimes it seemed easy to extend grace toward one another. It was a time of embracing. There was value in "not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together."
This friendship has not been duplicated since. I bear some responsibility for this. The level of fundamentalist Christian teaching that I withstood, questioned, and then left behind, left me lacking in trust of an organized anything: (see previous post)
I have since relied on some of the friendships that developed through blogger to replace that which was not present in my every day life. (Loser?)
The sportsman's club that I belong to bases all friendships within the framework and ritual of getting drunk together.
My older sister and older brother have written me off since me mums death in July of 2004. The older sister wanted me to help her overthrow my older brother as executor of the estate. I would not. My brother put off my help to aid him in the physical removal of home items until it was the most convenient time for him and the least convenient time for me. He cursed me out when I now asked him to delay for a week. I placed several calls to the both of them shortly thereafter in attempts to restore balance but they would not return my calls. And they have not since.
The lodge of Freemasons reminds me that I am a stranger in a strange land. I am most at home with fellow spiritual seekers; Buddhists, Taoists, Shamans...that are free of the stink of religion. You can spend time with them and be completely at ease without saying a word. They embrace you just as you are....how rare is that these days?
But even the blogger relationships that I developed are subject to change. When I spoke out against the war, I lost some friends. As I suffered and tried to deal with some of the fallout of what it really means to be human in This Being Human....loss of income, daily pain, attempted suicide for a family member, confusion, desperation and anxiety...to quote the kids, "You're bumming us out. Dad."
Who in the hell wants to read that crap every day?