tao1776

I heard the news today. Oh boy! - The kidney transplant was not a success. After several more surgeries the kidney, which was healthy, wouldn't function. It was removed. Marie will have to survive at least another year on dialysis and look for another donor. On the lighter side; I added google adsense in an effort to generate a little money. I didn't view this as selling out at all cuz I need the money and clicking or not clicking the ads is strictly your choice. Adsense posts ads that appear relative to your blog. Looks at these! God, psychic readings! Does that reflect me? Man, I hope not .... L O L

Darkness was still the captain of the day and at six a.m. the temperature was a frigid thirty eight degrees. I put off lighting the stove in an effort to conserve fuel and shortly I became accustomed to the cold. I thought that I might hike to the northern end of the wood. I don't know this area well although the seventeen mile hike to get here is quite familier. My house is southeast of the cabin that my associate was so gracious to let me borrow for a season. So, I headed out in the late morning. I had a loose topographical map of the northern wood in my head; or at least I thought so. It was my belief that if I stayed true north I would come across the Old Boston road. This was not the case. Sometimes our best laid plans can melt away. This became obvious as the captain reappeared leaving me in the blind and quite cold. I noticed that my chest was tight and that my breathing was shallow and fast. I found a clump of thick bush at the base of a hill and settled in. I sat erect and...

One for need; one for pleasure. I rose for my morning meditation. I was so tight that I struggled to sit. I soon entered the realm of spasm - that I know all too well. I couldn't sit; hardly stand. I thought I might be in real trouble. I stood still not knowing what to do for some time. I dry heaved due to the stress and pain. In time it receded. We cannot hold onto health or wealth or anything. In retrospect, how I have struggled. Clinging, clinging, clinging... But I must take my insulin....and I want to take my pipe. Want and need....... 

I feel free to express myself in any manner of ways. I remember how it was that Carl Jung built himself a tower on a little piece of land and used it as a get-away. He would allow himself to free associate, if you will, with himself. So, with this in mind, I began to sing the doxology. And it felt wonderful. Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow; Praise Him, all creatures here below; Praise Him above, ye heavenly host; Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. It was Sunday morning. The sky looked as if a funnel would appear at any moment. The wind was furious and the trees responded in kind with sweeping bows. The air held a hint of some hidden mystery. I found some grapes and suffered through the tartness of a few until I decided that I had enough. I began to think of the "finding your live's purpose" list. At that moment, I felt like my purpose was to sing. Out came the doxology. The result of this came a realization that reality escapes all concepts. God? Praise? Blessi...

My mind has echoed over and over that my life has been a life wasted. After hearing this for weeks and months on end, I have decided to try and unravel this twisted thought. A thought that has twisted my stomach into knots. A thought that has placed deep knots of pain into the fibers of my being; increasing my pain level making everyday life less than bearable. We've all heard the saying that there is neither good nor bad. It is only thinking that makes it so. The emphasis of Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism and yes, even Christianity of the mystics, points to the fact that the plurality of objects is an illusion of speech. I love that phrase, "an illusion of speech." I often say, "that which is beyond words." We think of ourselves as something alone, separated. But that, which is being said, beyond words, that illusion of speech, is telling us that we are greater than what we have been taught to believe. Ah, believe....thats another word worth dissecting. Another ti...

I was accompanied this morning by crows, geese and low level fog. It was decided that I should leave early this morning while everyone slept. We said our goodbyes over some wine and a few laughs. My hermitage appears to be the result of some manic decision making but I am assured by those that know me best that I could never be described as manic. Nor could it be said that I have made many rash decisions. No, my leaving home for this extended period, off alone in a secluded cabin, is the natural progression of my journey's path. Tomorrow will bring forth the first full day of autumn. It is also a new moon. A mixture of Thoreau, Bodidarma and a few Taoist hermits calls me to this. When it is cold and the snow is too deep to allow me to resupply, will I regret this? Sure. Unlike the aforementioned, I do have electricity and internet access. I have my pipe and a load of tobacco. But my true aspiration is to spend time in deep meditation and reflection. To cultivate internal energy. To...

A fictional iter itineris New beginnings, new moon. The time of harvest, the slowing of life, a time of introspection. ....Also on this self same day, it is the Lady's birthday. I, we, the timing, as if it were, has produced a journey. I will be leaving the homestead for a time. I will open the door and head into the woods for a winter hermitage. I will, thanks to technology and my desire to continue doing so, continue this blog.

The house is rustic. A throwback to an earlier time. The property borders a thickly wooded area where fishercats to deer enter their property line in search of food. "Chick" is a man of an unidentifiable age and is missing many of his teeth. It is his heart that shows through though. Chick and his wife live life simply and are looking forward to a time when they can invite us over for fresh venison, homemade apple sauce and biscuits. We gathered for small feast of roast pork, salads and appetizer. All washed down with a few cold beers, I might add. Two other couples joined us at Chick' home. I've known Jon since junior high school. I've known his wife for a few years less. Another couple completed the afternoon. We too have been acquaintances for about twenty five years. On 9/26, Jon's wife will receive a kidney from the wife of the last couple. They have been friends for most of their lives and she is a perfect match. What a gift! What a change it will make i...

Wish you were here

Have you ever seen a glass of muddy water, stirred and stirred until the glass is a mass of swirling soil, darkening the whole of the glass contents? Leaving the glass to settle, the mud will settle to the bottom. It is still there. Everpresent. To say it is not so is fictitious. Coming to a place where you are able to accept it's presense, when you stop trying to play the game of self - fix. Everyone wants to play in clean water...to drink from it. How often the truth of a situation lies so close that we are blind to it. Now that I've alienated all of my readers and fellow bloggers by my muddied water, swirling round, round, round....It is time to regain the cushion. As the Zen Master said, "through good times and bad, just sit." It will not pay my bills. Get me a better job. Heal my family. Stop the lies of government and the corruption of capitalist/imperilist businesses that keep the world turning...

This last year has been such a change for me. Not knowing up from down, disorientation of the first degree; a great disheartening. I could once state that I never met a man I didn't like. I held an inate sense of understanding, that all men were as I. At the heart of the matter, most were the product of nature/nuture, which is so out of our control. So we adapt, sometimes maladjust, and just try our best to keep our heads above water. As a studying young man, seeking a life within the Christian ministry, I wittnessed in some, behavior and character that changed me. Granted. I guess I was growing up. The world is made up of all kinds, right? When I was overexposed by isocyanate, the company went to great lengths to avoid any responsibility. This was, I believe, the corporate stance. The President and local owner of this division was being put out to pasture. He would have viewed my incident in contrast to what was done. At that very moment, the plans were being put into place. The c...

It's true that the root of human suffering is based upon desire and aversion. How often we fill our present moments with thought of desiring one thing or with aversion to another! As Maslow points out, we have very simple needs leading up to a sense of self actualization. What happens when our physiological bottom is threatened and we find that providing for ourselves and for those we are responsible for is an ongoing, daily activity that consumes our thoughts? What happens when we feel that our safety is threatened. That keeping our home of 25 years is also an all consuming thought activity? What happens when we have lost all sense of friends, family and community? What happens when self esteem is non existent. Are we one step closer to enlightenment? To freedom? To real self actualization?

two days after my last post, Lisbeth West sent me the following. Who tiptoes doesn't standwho strides doesn't walkwho watches himself doesn't appearwho displays himself doesn't flourishwho flatters himself achieves nothingwho parades himself doesn't leadon the road they saytoo much food and a tiring pacesome things are simply badthus the Taoist shuns them daodejing #24translated by Red Pine I want to make myself an empty room:Quiet whitewashed walls with slant sunshineAnd a fresh breeze through open windows. Some days are extremely fluid, and all possible course of action are equally attractive. Rather than do something arbitrary, it is far better to empty oneself completely. Then the more subtle currents of life may be felt. One should avoid the mistake of random action.Arbitrary action will most likely be out of accord with the times. It is artificial, a structure that we impose from our own thought. Such movements are invariably stilted and wooden, they do not ha...

"C'mon in. Come in. Sit and make yourselves comfortable. You know you're going to anyhow, regardless of what I say." "We're only here to help". "Well, okay. Uh, start your sweeping and cleaning. Tho' I thought that things looked fairly empty already." "Maybe it's your turn now. Could it be that you're just not unhappy enough to make the changes that you need to make?" "Oh. Okay. So now it's my fault." "There's no fault. Only what is. Awareness is the key." "Awareness?" That's just a word now. My awareness has elapsed into nuerosis." "Are you aware of your nuerosis?" Welcome that too. This fragile body is matrix for mind and soul. Do you believe that you are alone in your suffering? Is not the tie that binds, for all of human kind, that all is suffering? Where is your compassion for yourself?" He who stands on tiptoe is not steady. He who strides cannot maintain...