O death! Where is thy sting?

This morning will be the baby's funeral. Open casket. I can't imagine being the parent in this situation.
I rose early today in mental preparation. I am a wimp in these situations. I can care for a baby on equal par with a woman (except for breast-feeding) and I think I'm a better man for it. However, I can feel myself being overcome with grief and I am seeking to numb myself and stand stoic at the calling hours and at the grave side service.
It's interesting that I don't feel that my manhood is insulted because I can care for infants so well, yet if I were to blubber at the sight of this dear dead child, I would feel inadequate.
I am aware of the activity of my mind as I desire to be free from grief. Seeking ways to overide it by compensating with anger or depression. I am going to sit for awhile and allow what will be!!!

Comments

Lost said…
I say go ahead and blubber. You won't be alone.
alix said…
sitting would be good.
Rowan said…
I know what you mean, I can't, just CAN'T let myself feel at funerals, or else it would be all about me, and MY wailing. Nah, I get it. Go sit, have a drink, relax for a bit. Make yourself numb.