The analyst's analyst

Freud originally believed that the individual’s sense of self was developed in relation to the management of early instinctual drives, which Freud defined as libido. In the first six or so years of the child’s life, said Freud, these instinctual drives passed through three stages: oral, anal, and genital and although I prefer Jung to Freud, I cannot help but notice that I am an orally fixated person. To quote James Robbins, In terms of drive theory, this early loss is thought of as a fixation at the oral stage of development. Perhaps the depressive mother didn’t have enough energy to feed the child properly or attend to its other needs during the oral stage of libidinal development. Consequently, the depressive individual goes through life feeling somehow "hungry"—as if his or her life wasn’t properly nourishing. Not surprisingly, then, many depressive people eat, smoke or drink to lessen this pervasive oral longing. It is not uncommon, then, for depressive individuals to become overweight, develop eating disorders, or to develop substance abuse problems.
All things considered, depressive people tend to be quite warm and amiable. McWilliams writes, "Unless they are so disturbed that they cannot function normally, most depressive people are easy to like and admire. Because they aim hatred and criticism inward rather than outward, they are usually generous, sensitive, and compassionate to a fault."
......This oral longing has not been all that bad. Although I don't think that I fall into the catagory being overweight (still trying to lose 20 Lbs) or having substance abuse problems (many years ago I was a chronic and I do hit the scotch pretty hard as my search for employment is unfruitful) ((Denial??)) - I love long passionate kissess, the feel of her breast on my mouth, the taste of my tougue exploring my lover's body. I chew three packs of gum a week and cannot seem to lose my endearment for smoking a pipe. Sounds quite oral to me.
My oral fixation leads me to aim too much criticism inward and it is crippling me. As I seek employment, the once bold, confident Leo appears brow beaten which further intensifies the cycle because I loathe my weakness.
And yet...I know part of the solution yet I struggle to act. I must regain my meditation practice. I must hold forth the lessons of wu chi. Yet, I am almost unable. I am drowning and the whirlpool is tiring me out severely.