I've been having some very serious discussions with the few people that I can really talk to. Many people listen but very few hear. I've been stating how important it is that I change my thinking. As a subscriber to Buddhism and a lazy follower of the Tao, I am well aware that it all begins with me. We are responsible for changing those things that we are able to change. No magic bullet. No pill. No hand of God.
I realize how much of a curmudgeon I have become. I have been pissed off at this one and that one. I have whined and complained about my lost job, my lost wages, my inability to meditate and my overall lack of energy. I have come to believe ( and it is true) that if I could return to my practice (daily meditation) then my mind would fall into that natural rhythm of the universe.
Back up the truck!!!!
Many of you already know that I am diabetic. I'm not fat, really. Just got myself a small butt and extended abs. I'm 5'11" and 210 lbs. I should be under 190. 183 to 188 is ideal. With the use of insulin, daily pain, and a healthy use of alcohol (for medicinal purposes, mind you) it's no wonder that I am fatigued and unmindful.
I have come to the conclusion that in order for me to find a measure of flow back into my life, I need to address my health head on. Lower my insulin usage, get back my energy. With a little research through a few of my Zen buds (http://zenhabits.net/ http://www.succcess.org/) I have recently stumbled upon and began following "The Hacker's Diet"
I will get my weight below 190.
I will get my body back into fighting shape (or as close as possible given my spinal issues)
I will reduce the level of insulin the my current frame and muscle mass requires.
This will enable me to
regain my daily meditation practice
regain focus and flow
throw off the curmudgeon blanket