Marriage. Huh! What is it good for?

Marriage is a conspiracy from Tiffany, florists, the diamond industry, and Christian fundamentalists. The only good thing about it is the diamond ring, the wedding gifts and the honeymoon. - Suzanne Finnamore

Any man in love with his wife must be so dull that no one else could love him. - Montaigne

I haven't spoken of my pending divorce lately. The divorce process is like a lot of things in life: you never fully realize just how painful something is until you experience it for yourself. And when it comes to marriage the opposite is also true: when marriage is good, it is really, really great. When a marriage is bad, it really, really, fucking sucks. You never realize how wonderful marriage can be unless you have experienced it.
My spouse has always been a handful. But at times, it was wonderful; like a warm sun after a blistering rain. But if its always raining and you find yourself beginning to live for those brief intermittent breaks of sun through the darkened clouds, well then, you're going to grow mold.
The ideas that we fashion and project upon marriage have little to do with how marriage has evolved through time. More often marriage was arranged out of convenience, survival or as in many families for allegiance and power. This L0VE stuff, well that's all fairly new.
All these self righteous pols seated on the right proclaiming that marriage is an institution ordained by G_D and defined as one man/one woman; what the fuck do they know? As usual a lot of high fluting ideas based upon belief in belief. Go educate yourselves!
But I do like the idea of marriage. Of union. When in a well thought out agreement a couple says, "Hey! Let us partner up. And to the best of our ability we'll look out for one another."
That would require maturity, something that is all too often lacking these days. It has to begin in trust - the watering which provides growth and nurturing to any young seedling. It will not survive if it is built upon endless fear of abandonment countered by the demand, "You will love me!" That is not nurturing, that is a pulling out by the roots.
I did not file for my divorce but I should have. And now, this woman who had quit her job when I was out on a prolonged disability, who so often was willing to lose the family home if it required something of her, now wants it all. And in her all or nothing, black or white, love or hate world, she really believes that I am the bad guy here. She is a pagan inspired by the likes of Lori Bruno and Scott Cunningham who has forgotten the Rule of Three.
Like I said, when it's good its really, really great.
And when its bad...........


Comments

SHUBHAJIT said…
Human relationship is so complex, unless one is into it, can't understand it a bit. even worse, one can't understand in relationship.

I know its very difficult to forget. every moment when we wake up, when we sleep same thing happens in our brains. there are so many if, no, but, could be, i should, she must etc. going on. but logic, reasoning, emotional masturbation nothing will give us any peace. peace what's an distant echo! its a hard time but there always a word 'forgive' ,if not forget that gives us peace.