"Silence is the space in which God has been poured. Drink it." - Rumi

My daughter's fiance' had a friend that recently decided to think a problem out to it's conclusion. He put his affairs in order, wrapped his head with several towels and put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.
He was twenty five years old.
I recently heard from my younger sister. She hangs desperately onto her faith in the God as portrayed through modern Christian media. Her recent Face Book post was, "I can't wait to die."
I do not believe that she was trying to convey her desire to see God. I sincerely believe that she is desperately depressed and overwhelmed.
I explained to my daughter and fiance' that their pain brings also a gift; the ability to have greater compassion for those who are suffering. And I believe that. But I have nothing to offer my family and desire nothing from them in return.
I deleted her as a Face Book contact and told her to embrace her friends. I have nothing for her and it is sad.


Sophia said…
Hey. What do you mean you have nothing for her? You have LOTS to give her. Your love, for one.

You're feeling depressed today, too, aren't you.

I don't know what's going on in your family; I have some dysfunction going on presently in my own. It seems even the very spiritual people do not lead perfect lives. I think that's what is wrong with our idea of enlightened people; we think everything is perfect with them so we raise them up on a pedestal and tell ourselves we can never reach their level of spiritual success because we're not that perfect. That is just one of the ways we cause our own suffering. I think instead we should learn to accept that it is imperfect to have an idea of perfection. We have to make the most of what we have.

Do you want to buddy-up on Facebook?
I wanted to offer some words of solace and encouragement, but I'm not sure what to say. I guess all I can say is I feel for you.

Each person must motivate themselves to live. If they can't motivate themselves, neither you nor I can do it for them. So, I think I understand your comment re your sister.
Tao1776 said…
Sophia, I'm sad and disappointed. I've reviewed on numerous occasions via the blog on how the family disintegrated after my mother died so I won't open that can o worms again here. But my younger sister is fixated on a time when we were teens and I was her protector. That was 40 years ago. I haven't seen her in four years and think of her and my other two siblings infrequently.
Trey, so true. Her last words to me by way of face book e mail sounded like she is either very sick or contemplating suicide. She also said she hated me because my head was up my ass and I can't see that people want to have a relationship with me and I can't see it, Geez, If I called brother and sisters and said lets all get together because we're family, would it change everything for her? My older sister is still self righteous and selfish, the brother still a dick and she is in a place where I really don't know what I can do to placate her pain.
I feel guilty...
Sophia said…
It's hard not to fixate on these problems. They drain our energy, don't they? For example, they make you feel guilty, right?

I'm the same way. I feel guilty for my family's problems. My sister and father are estranged and I've tried many times to get them back together but it always fails and then now my father and I aren't talking due to my most recent effort to get the family back together. I hate admitting that I'm involved in drama but I guess it's part of life. I've tried to play the wise woman in all of it but now I'm just trying to ignore the negative thoughts that come into my head.

It sounds like your sister is depressed. I have depression and there really is not much anyone can do for it, so you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Only the depressed are responsible for themselves. *hugs* Don't feel guilty.