Tao & Zen

....When I began this blog, it was titled
"Tao1776 Tao & Zen...A little rain must fall."
My inspiring concept was based on the teachings and experiences within Taoist practice and that of an even more limited experience with Zen.
You see, I was introduced to Taoism when in the midst of pain and monetary suffering greater than that of which I am now experiencing. In time, as my practice developed and my faith deepened in my practice, my role as a manager grew, and so did my wallet. With greater responsibility and dedication to the job, my practice suffered and balance wained. My practiced diminished. I still maintained a good degree of insight and a sense of faith in awareness. This was helpful as I watched the local division falter and position me and my crew out of our jobs.

This WAS the "little rain that must fall."

As my finances drained away, drinking increased. Practice stopped. Jobs were no where to found. I took refuge in a book I was writing entitled, "Walking the Circle." I felt like Hemingway. No really. Not a good thing!

I have struggled to find my way again (whatever that means) until everything has become an undecided haze. This Being Human...gave me solace. ...This being human is a guesthouse. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture. Still, treat each guest honorably, he may be clearing you out for some new delight...
I often think of the complaining Jews that wandered for forty years in the desert that never saw the promised land. No faith, no trust, just complaints.
I vacillate between confidence and insecurity. How will I ever manage the house through winter? However will I pay my bills? Finances have been cut as far back as possible, I believe. My youngest, (still at home) is a junior in college and must have the computer for home. We have spent less than $150 in groceries in the past month. Poverty invites too many carbohydrates which is bad for a diabetic.
How can I maintain faith and trust? I can. I know a fraction of the suffering in the world. How can I possibly feel poorly when I indeed have so much?
I am working on it. Sloth and torpor are my greatest hindrance. Too great a high and low in blood sugar adds to it. Stress adds to it. Increased depression adds to it.
How often man seeks to build for the future all the while dismantling it?


loralee said…
"How can I possibly feel poorly when I indeed have so much?"

My friend and I were just talking about this. There ARE people worse off in the world, but that doesn't mean that you cannot feel sorrow, frustration, betrayal and plain old pissed-off'ed-ness at your problems.

Just because people have less and suffered more doesn't mean that you cannot mourn your struggles.

There are also many who haven't known a struggle a day in their lives.

I don't know why these things happen. I hope that they end for you so that some of the stresses in this existance are made better for you. HUG.
capegirl said…
i liked loralees comment. i think we have every right to feel our feelings. i also think we have to continue with the things we know are to our benefit despite our fear, frustration and misery.

in other words we need to accept the way things are without consideration.

i tell myself every day: "if you're considering this, evaluating it etc. then you're not accepting it, and this is not helpful to you, it may feel right but it's not helping"

it is hard to continue doing what is beneficial when your health is poor-nobody knows that better than me. so make taking care of yourself a priority.

if i sound preachy, forgive me. i just found that taking care of me, was the best way to take care of others.

miss you! i'll mail you soon!
Rowan said…
yay you haven't given up on the blogging yet either! I'll be back more, I hope nay I promise, I'll find the time somehow :)
Don Iannone said…
So much wisdom and insight here. No answers for you, but caring and concern. My best wishes, Tim!
Brittany Hogan said…
Good morning Tim! I lived in Africa for a good part of last year and during that time was sobered to the reality of the people there living on literally less than the equivalent of a few dollars a day.
I had expected that... what sobered me was the richness they lived life. They had so little ("poverty" doesn't express how little they had) yet their lives were rich.
I realized that here in the land of milk-and-honey our abundant and deep drinks have left many of us in a cheap stupor. We don't live with the richness they live with.
Maybe the dregs you have right now really are the hidden treasure we're all searching for.
Hope your afternoon is beautiful-