The elephant in the room

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When a spouse dies, leaving the other half alone, life often continues with a deafening thud. It is made all the worse when friends, peers, relatives and neighbors never feel comfortable with bringing up the name of the deceased or speaking of memeories shared.
One aspect of self that I have yet to come to terms with, is my "being sensitive." I wear my heart on my sleeve. I cry. I am concerned with you and your state of being. I am in all essense, being gay. Real men don't behave that way. I'm just a sucka!
My good friend Jon, who I have known since Junior High School, lost his wife (and my good friend) on Nov. 11th 2007. They had been married for I believe, thirty four years. Now the house is empty and quiet. Mutual friends that continue keeping tabs on him as I do have reported to me that Jon is "doing fine" and "as good as you would expect."
Jon came to see me at work on Monday to tell me that he is not doing well at all.
It is at times like this that I come to realize and am thankful for, "being sensitivite."
We can speak of and share his pain together. We can talk about how he still speaks of Marie in the present tense as if she were still here. He can show tears at the memory of her beloved pond of catfish where they would eat out of your hand. We can talk of keeping traditions, that were started by her and Jon, and never underestimate the value of them then, or now.
Marie is still a great part of our lives; even if she is not still here with us. We should not deny that by not speaking of her. We should not deny it by not sheding a tear. We should not deny that in any way.

Comments

bert said…
Tim!

This is funny. I told myself yesterday morning I had to leave you a message and look now, you've beaten me to it :)

How's life? Still loathing the american way? Or perhaps a little more modest enjoy the good things in life? :)
4:30 PM
Mike Golch said…
Tim,I came here fron the seenoevil site,I just had to come visit you after reading your comment.
If being careing for a friend who suffered a devistating loss of a spouse makes you gay than I'm gay also.I care about a human suffering from a loss.I have been married for almost 28 years and will be on 03/01/08.This is my second marriage.My first ended because we were not mature enough.
4:40 PM
Anonymous said…
First-sweetness that Mike came to you from our site...

Second- more men, and people in general, should be sensitive like you (myself included). Your friend is extremely lucky to have friends like you (as am I w/my blogging pals and bestest friends).

If being human and sensitive and honest and feeling makes you gay, then most of us are gay.

We all love, hate, feel, cry, scream, laugh, etc. It's what makes us US. So be it!
10:06 PM
tao1776 said…
Bert you ol sort! Two fingers of the finest to you! Nah, make it four!
Mike...I am a mixture of scary and sensitive. The contrast can be difficult to bear. It is tow sides of the same coin, I know...but its always easier to be the tough fuck in the bunch. High walls protect the castle!
Al - gay is a description that others might use. Its not offensive to me in the least. By their fruits we know them...for what they are: insecure, frightened little sheep!
4:20 PM
bert said…
four it shall be! :D
11:22 AM
They call him James Ure said…
I sometimes curse my sensitivity too but I more often see it as a gift. I'm glad that you do too. Blessings to you and your friends.
7:08 PM
Mike Golch said…
Tim from your reply to me it seems that you and I are kindred souls to some extent.My BH can vouch for that.
You now have a home one my blog roll. so needles to say "I'll be back"(spoken like the govenator)Ha Ha
8:48 PM
jess said…
aw...tim. so well put. hugs to your friend jon.

may he find peace in his own way, on his own time.
10:50 PM
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