The three phases of life

In my late twenties with two growing boys, I bought a home and proceeded to add two girls to the family. All four are grown now and I am divorced from their mother. Yet I remain in the family home for another year ( my 3rd or 4th, I can't remember) longing for it to be sold. The market has hammered the price lower than what is imaginable and the many lookers struggle over the busy road that lies without the door.
Sure, there are good memories mingled with the bad but the time to move is now.
This home (pictured to the left) calls to me. The points to the positive are almost magical. And we all know how I like to avoid magical thinking!!
I've sweetened the pot by adding the modern washer and dryer to go with the house. Plus the Vermont Castings wood stove which is irreplaceable. I'll even throw in some chickens if they like.
The new home is less than half the size of my current home. It's private and quiet and it's a rental. Everything that I want. The plus far outweighs the negative. In fact, I'm not sure there is a negative. I'm confident that this move will happen but I admit to secretly stashing a fear that I might have to remain here for another year. And that makes me sick.
From many of my earlier posts you can see that my ex needs to be far from me. Even now, as I work in town as does she, I squirm every time the ambulance goes by. I think that her death, either by her own hand or by some act of fate will come to fruition within the next few years. I take no pleasure in that thought other than knowing that she might find peace. And sadly so will many others.
Several times an hour horns toot a wave as friends and acquaintances drive by the house. It's a nice feeling. In the new home that part of it will sadly be gone. But it's time to move on and transition into the next and final phase of my life. The breast feeds and nurtures but in time dries up to be a source of pleasure alone for the squeeze and the kiss of a lover. I need to nurture me. To quiet my being and explore life.
Many cultures recognize and divide life into phases. This is not a thesis, so look it up yourself. :) In modern terms the first phase is referred to as The Path of Personality Development. The second, The Path of Growth and the third, The Path of Higher Self. Hinduism divides life into the Four Ages of Man. The point is, I raised my children and had my career. It's time for inner growth and the honing of wisdom. Leaving this house closes one door and opens yet another. I shed tears for the good and the bad memories. I've experienced growth, pain and all that life can throw at us in this home. It is time to go.



Comments