A poser I may be

Society is not changed by example. Society may reform itself, it may bring about certain changes through political or economic revolution, but only the religious man can create a fundamental transformation in society; and the religious man is not he who practices starvation as an example to impress society. The religious man is not concerned with society at all, because society is based on acquisitiveness, envy, greed, ambition, fear. That is, mere reformation of the pattern of society only alters the surface, it brings about a more respectable form of ambition. Whereas, the truly religious man is totally outside of society, because he is not ambitious, he has no envy, he is not following any ritual, dogma or belief; and it is only such a man who can fundamentally transform society, not the reformer. The man who sets out to be an example merely breeds conflict, strengthens fear, and brings about various forms of tyranny. It is very strange how we worship examples, idols. We don't want that which is pure, true in itself; we want interpreters, examples, masters, gurus, as a medium through which to attain something - which is all sheer nonsense, and is used to exploit people. If each one of us could think clearly from the very beginning, or reeducate ourselves to think clearly, then all these examples, masters, gurus, systems, would be absolutely unnecessary, which they are anyhow...

My introduction to the East began as part of my recovery and physical therapy for a severe back injury. My therapist, an Australian gal with hair like Amy Winehouse was teaching me Feldenkrais.  She also gave me two cassette tapes produced by her husband. The tapes gently walked me through several levels of Taoist Neigong. This began my long slow crawl back to health while it also opened the doors to TCMQigong, and forays into both Taoism and Buddhism. 

Like many children of the 60's and 70's perhaps due to the influence of the Beatles and shows like Kung Fu, I have been captivated for many years by the phrase "Meditation." My quest for better health was nourished by many teachers and mindfulness meditation soon became my anchor. Yet slowly meditation became more of a coping mechanism attempting to deal with a very troubled marriage and other mounting tensions. Beginners Mind became Ku. What has been spoiled has replaced mindfulness practice and I've reached a stalemate. 

"When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide, 
where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride, 
till I get to the bottom and I see you again....... 
Yeah, Yeah Yeah

It's been suggested that perhaps my path lay elsewhere as my grasping for what used to be is clearly stalled on the tracks.