Where do I leave off and where do you begin?

 Where do I leave off and where do you begin? 
Does for better or worse mean that I
be lost to you forever?
My attempts to fix you only
leave me more broken than before.
It is sad for me to see you in pain;
to cut, to drink, to lash out
in anger and cries of
being abandoned. 
My surrender will only leave me
more dead inside.

Where do I leave off and where do you begin?
You bargain and lash out in anger
to win my love.
For you do not know
how it could be gone
or be lost
or turned into something else.
And I have no answer
that does not but produce
more unanswerable questions
that lead to more pain
and anger, and lashing out
to gain my love.

Where do I leave off and where do you begin?
This is my fault, my doing.
Everyone wants it fixed.
Afterall, it is what I do.
If healing you means that
I become my own disease,
that would be fitting; 
that would be right?
For no greater love is this: 
that a man lay his life down
for his friends?

Where do I leave off and where do you begin? 


Shubhajit said…
First time i read such melancholy words in your blog.

Sadness is though not bad as it seems because through 'Dukka' our soul shines, through each blow we can understand this life better.

Each mental and physical blow that is given to the soul, by which, as it were, fire is struck from it, and through its own power and knowledge is discovered.

You are quite elder than me and obviously You have seen much much life better and clearer than me. Hope you are well. Cheers!
Karen L. Brahs said…
Dear friend, you will not find the answer to your question in the places in which you seek. But there is hope in that you are asking the question and that you are being guided to other places outside what you perceive to be the truth.

If your heart is sincere in its longing to know the answer, it will be given to you: "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (Luke 11:10)

Turn your ear to understanding the wisdom of God; look away from that which deceives you and fix your eyes on His sovereign majesty and power. Acknowledge your folly and open your heart to receive the answer you seek. Reject "self" and choose Him; embrace Him with all your heart, your mind, and your soul.

He died so that you can live. That is Love eternal.