The day before the longest day in the northern hemisphere, the Lady's Grandmother passed into the next world. It's been two since Grandfather passed. The Lady states that she is now truly an orphan. Her father, a career military man went awol on his family when she was five. Her mother had several stays in the hospital and the Lady was raised for several years by her grandparents. I too became close to them in ways that I never experienced within my own family and with my own grandparents or aunts or uncles.
I wonder though what has become of us. Master T and the Lady, although never very self assured, understood the hardship of others and we wore a welcome mat on our foreheads and extended another at our door. I think that we must have attached ourselves to the desired effect that people would extend grace in return.
Although the Lady and me have brothers and sisters in the greater area, we no longer associate with them. Now...this seems to cause some of them feelings of, "Oh, but we're family," meaning that we should all be "close" and all that blah, blah, blah....
There just came a day when the door closed. The mat was taken it. No fanfare. No trumpets announcing our departure. It was just our decision to no longer tolerate bad behavior. No malice, no judgement. You do your thing and we'll do ours.
My younger sister recently tried to unite all of the family for a 4Th of July BBQ and it appears that only me and mine will not be attending. I truly believe that I could not survive the drama of such an occasion. In times past, I would have rolled with the punches and excused, excused, excused. It is my sincerest desire that all beings be free from suffering, so why would I purposely add to my own?
Family is great. Today and tomorrow will be spent with my children and my grandchildren. I refuse to burden them as my mother did to her own children, that after her passing her greatest wish was that we forever remain close.
Closeness is not a mandate but something that is cultivated. The seeds were sown and the crops are now in. Its just that much of the crop is chocked with weeds and there is none that can seperate the wheat from the chaff.

Comments

Mystic Wing said…
I agree with your sentiments. It takes a terrific lack of self-respect to stay close to relatives who are unpleasant to be around.

I have quite a large family....but almost none of them are related to me by blood.
Jess said…
wow. can i ever relate to this. as the days, months, years go by, i seem to become ever more estranged from my immediate family.

we've never been close, yet i long for it. it sounds like maybe the longing subsides? i can only hope.

i've become attached to my (future) in-laws in a way, but for the most part, i've accepted the fact that i (along with the paulster, the kids and the pets) am an island.
{illyria} said…
it's sad that the meaning of family is changing so rapidly, so deeply. yet at least it keeps you honest, and the feelings much more real.
Loralee Choate said…
I have to go to a family reunion that is making me nauseated with anxiety. Not that our family isn't loving, I just...UG.

My family is very close but my hell does it come with a pricetag.

As for my boys. I am insistent on them being close as boys-I foster that relationship every way that I can. I have accepted that when they are adults and on their own, that relationship is up to them and what they want.

I have rolled up my door mat quite a lot in the last few years. It has to do with the fact that I just don't have as much to give in me. Not anymore.
Michelle said…
sorry to you and the lady for your loss.

i had literally no extended family growing up since there were so many disagreements and fighting. my paternal gran never even picked me up after I was born so it was never going to happen

i always watch big families with a sense of wonder. that ole welcome mat does get wore out over time.
Tim said…
Isn't it funny that we can express oursleves in such as way and then receive such a warm response from the Blog Family. I appreciate you guys. I do.
MW...always an inspiration
Jess..I feel that you offer so much to those that are close to you. They are lucky to have you.
illyria...OOXX
Rubik...you're to cool!
Mich...you vixen!!! You owe ME a long e-mail....Your turn. No short and sweet howdayado...
Michelle said…
i have what I am now reffering to as "an embarassment of e-mails" to answer. I have the flu and am bogged down with work. more soon, lovey love. :)