A reticent man.....

"We no longer live on what we have, but on promises, no longer in the present day, but in the darkness of the future, which, we expect, will at last bring the proper sunrise. We refuse to recognize that everything better is purchased at the price of something worse; that, for example, the hope of grater freedom is canceled out by increased enslavement to the state, not to speak of the terrible perils to which the most brilliant discoveries of science expose us. The less we understand of what our [forebears] sought, the less we understand ourselves, and thus we help with all our might to rob the individual of his roots and his guiding instincts, so that he becomes a particle in the mass, ruled only by what Neitzche called the spirit of gravity.Carl Jung

 I am at a point in my life where I find myself more reclusive than I have ever been before. Although I try to address the conflicts within that separate me from my former sense of self,  I am often made speechless. Life, as it should be, should not be ruled by a predetermined mind. It should flow as movement; as if partaking in a dance. We don't focus on the individual notes being played. We move with them.

But the accumulative effect having to deal with the perils of the every day, the mundane (which can contain the very essence of holiness) has taken its toll. I'm not exactly sure when and where this sense of "burn-out" occurred, but it has.

I think of the days when I was as a welcome mat, never trod upon but welcoming:. I seemed to deeply understand that everyone was doing the very best that they could; with few exceptions. Just like me. I understood deeply that, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves".


"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong. Sometime in your life, you will have been all of these."


However, the accumulative effect of anger, addiction, depression, poor health, disability, financial woes, suicide attempts, deceitful Machiavellian business practices, poor behavior on the part of neighbors, family and co-workers,  has led me to seek the hermitage and solitude of keeping my own company.

I keep my own company well. I am hurt. And tired. And in the true sense of the cosmos, Indra's net - This is not the way.

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."


I think that perhaps my days of posting here have come to a close.


Namaste,


Tao1776

Comments

baroness radon said…
Maybe time you get back to that novel about the Taiping?
Tao1776 said…
Yes, my dearest copy editor. Are you agreeing to an early read through? And I also need some main character names with the correct spelling and pronunciation based on the time frames.
Perhaps you are right. I need to extend my energies (at least some of them) to completing the book.
The way of the world is a circle.....
baroness radon said…
Are you offering me a contract?
baroness radon said…
Or at least a drink?
Tao1776 said…
Name your price!.....and If the few chapters I send along are worth (in your esteemed opinion) my continuation of the book...then I will have to proceed....