tao1776

When you tell someone that their behavior is hurtful and unacceptable, there are several possible outcomes. She or he can: Hear what you say, hold themselves accountable, respect your feelings and actively try to change.  Translation:   I love and respect you. I care about your feelings and will make every effort to change. Hear what you say, hold themselves accountable, respect your feelings, communicate which of your behaviors are contributing to the situation and you both actively try to change.  Translation:   I love and respect you. I care about your feelings and will make every effort to change. Acknowledge their hurtful behavior, but hey, you knew what they were like when you married them so get used to it and stop complaining.  Translation:   I don’t care about your needs and feelings. I won’t change . Acknowledge their hurtful behavior and then blame you for it.  Translation:   I’m not responsible for my actions. It’s your faul...

The New England Patriots won the AFC Championship game yesterday. In a nail biting, you never know what's going to happen next kind of game, the tough and formidable Baltimore Ravens saw their field goal kicker, Billy Cundiff (the new Bill Buckner?) miss a 32-Yard field goal attempt with eleven seconds left on the clock. Instead of a tie and a run into overtime the Ravens were sent packing with their wings and the hope of receiving Super Bowl rings defeathered, plucked and dashed upon the rocks of broken dreams. Sucks, huh? But isn't that just how life goes? One day we're the victor, one day the conquered. And this is not a signal to get all down and defeated. No. It's a reminder that you need to play one game, one play at a time. You never know what the outcome may be. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. And sometimes a loss can be a win or a win can be a loss. What a page turner! Addendum 2/5/2002 The better team won Super Bowl XLVI - No doubt about ...

Gaia Girl has given me a copy of the workbook,  Get Out of Your Mind & into Your Life ; The New Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. I must say that this book confirms most of what I have learned from the teachings of the Buddha on groundlessness . You cannot have your cake and eat it too.  My struggle to free myself from suffering amplifies my suffering; running away from pain only serves to leave me as exhausted as the man who ran through the marketplace attempting to outrun his own shadow. Let me use the words of Alan Watts , from that wonderful book, The Wisdom of Insecurity , to try and describe a little of what I mean: "We are all familiar of this kind of vicious circle in the form of worry. We know that worrying is futile, but we go on doing it because calling it futile does not stop it. We worry because we feel unsafe and want to be safe. Yet it is perfectly useless to say that we should not want to be safe. Calling a desire bad names does not get rid of it. ...

The dragon, as seen in the East, is associated with the divine. As seen from the West, the dragon is hunted and slain or driven from existence. How interesting. But I'm not about to launch into some soliloquy about the East vs the West. Nor do I want to speak of China or Chinese thought, economics, philosophy or politics. I am after all, no Jacob Needleman  for God's sake! In ten days the Chinese New year will begin on January 23 and will come to its close on February 9 2013.  It should be an interesting if not a very revealing year.

On the day before Halloween 2011, we found ourselves shoveling, plowing and snow blowing two feet of snow. The horror of a long and brutal New England winter filled everyone with fear as the surprise attack  found most ill prepared. Panic set in. Snow blowers were sold at the rate of several a day; depleting last years stock since the new arrivals hadn't arrived yet. Shovels and gloves flew off the store shelves. Snowmobile dealers found themselves happy as used car salesman dancing in a booming economy. The mind's eye of every New Englander envisioned ice dams, snow piled high as mountains and piles of firewood being buried under several feet of snow. Many in the snow zone envisioned oil companies rubbing their greedy little hands together like a preying mantis waiting to go in for the kill. And then..... Nothing! Warm temperatures. Light jackets. Green grass. Right through Christmas! Today's forecast is for unfavorable weather beg...

 The gig is up.                                We're not gonna take it . Gonna break it.  Gonna shake it. Let's forget it better still!  Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." We are all guilty sometimes of putting up with way too much, for way too long. Fear of change and fear of where the unknown may lead, can leave us clinging to doing absolutly nothing;  laying our heads on a pillow of suffering in search of a rest that will not come.  Yet sometimes, in the quietness of our hearts, we are moved to stare down the bullies, to push against the wind, and make the brave decision to take the path with heart . We gird up our loins or lift up our skirts and decide that, "We're not gonna take it." As a highly skilled and widel...