tao1776

During this time of year I am usually thinking of my father who was at this time, in 1944, being escorted through the gates of Stalag 1XB. But this year, perhaps due the emotional highs and lows (mostly lows) that I'm experiencing due to pending divorce, am thinking often of my mother. A few years before my father passed away, when he was struggling through a day to day existence, (much like when he was a P.O.W.) my mother could see over the precipice. The days were growing short. The reality of finding herself without him mocked her like the jester of death pointing his bony finger signaling towards the grave. I offered to walk to church with her on a dark and moonless night on Christmas Eve. Snow danced through the air trying to stay aloft fearing that once they touched solid ground they too would be no more. The children, at least those that were left in the ever dwindling congregation, marked the occasion with skits and song. At the evenings conclusion, the children passed ou...

It is true that relationships, especially marriages, take work. That's real life. Ebb and Flow. I've often made the statement to people that are having difficulties with their marriages, "When it is good; it's great. When it's bad, it's really, really, fucking bad"! The point being that you should persevere.The bad will become good again. And when it's good, it is great! But sometimes, I do have to admit, working on a marriage can make you feel like Sisyphus.  forever doomed to endless labor. And I have found that I cannot push anymore. The rock is beginning roll right back over me. And Christ! I did not know that it would hurt this bad. And what I find particularly interesting is the level of grief that I feel over seeing my wife suffer so. I want to spare her. To save her. To make everything all right for her. And she is right there with me! She too is grieving over what she feels. She wants me to spare her, to save her. To make everything al...

It has been a long and arduous road with many points of beauty along the way. As usual, expectations, hopes and dreams ran high at the start. It is understood that there will be both good times and bad. Life dictates that some days we're up and on other days we're down. In full understanding of this reality you come to see and appreciate that this is "Just Being Human..... "there is neither good nor bad. It is what it is. And therein lies your place of comfort. Like building your farm on a good piece of land with dark, rich and fertile earth. The possibilities are endless.  You are not alarmed nor become giddy by the highs and lows. You enjoy the ride. And great scenic views led to a willingness to press on; to develop patience and steadfastness even when the path was filled with thorns and pain and confusion.  Long-suffering has so often been pictured in portraits throughout social and religious history as somethin...

When in the throes of pain and disability several years ago, I learned several valuable lessons. One thing that I was able to learn is that disability, or pain, or the loss of income, does not define me. Making the change from breadwinner to house-husband did not define me.  My desire to be kind and understanding best defined me. Since when does kindness need to be defended like a castle with high walls with a moat?  I laughed easily and sought my pleasures in the simple things.  But I cultivated a desire to be a better parent than the parents I thought I knew. I sought to be the wise master of the home, the great father, the best husband, a good son; a good guy to know.   And to that , I was attached. The problem with identifying with any changeable sense of self is that you can find yourself in the position of always having to defend your position. I AM wise, I AM the best husband, I AM a great father. There is nothing inherently wrong wi...

"It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."