T a o S p r i n g . . . The Embracing, the Letting go: May 2006

Monday, May 29, 2006

Memorial Day

Never Forget, was the cry; and forget we did.

But should anyone be surprised? How many millions have died in battle for causes noble and not so noble.

The founding of the American colonies was established as a set of checks and balances. No King George for us, Nah uh! No State religion, Freedom of the press, the right to bear arms.

But the right sees us as a Christian Nation and the latest George has God telling him to go to Iraq.
Gonzalez is threatening for the very first time to use the Seditious Publication Acts to prosecute members of the media that willfully print leaked information.
(Talk about the pot calling the kettle black)
Gun laws appear designed to keep violence on the streets and out of the law abiding owner.
Dare I say anything more without being accused of not being patriotic? Love America or leave it? Take it up the arse and be thankful for it? Send our soldiers off to battle and erase any evidence of casualties and underfund healthcare for returning vets?
Memorial day? Its meaning is changing. Like sheep being led to the slaughter we hide in B B Q and parties around the back yard. Parades and memorial services are attended by few. Who wants to be reminded that "War like any other racket, pays high dividends to the very few. The cost of operations is always transferred to the people who do not profit."
General Smedley Butler

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Woman are beautiful. My best friends have always been woman. You'd swear I was gay or something; not that I have a problem with people that are gay. I really believe that woman embody wisdom and that their place in a patriarchal world stifles their wisdom, their creativity, and sometimes their real beauty. I can talk with and listen better to woman, I am more interested in what most woman have to say, I smile more when in the company of woman. Yeah, its true; I'd like to make love to many of them...but it seems to be based on a desire to love, more than just fuck (although that's cool too!)...

INDIGO GIRLS LYRICS"Power Of Two"

Now the parking lot is empty everyone's gone someplace i pick you up and in the trunk i've packed a cooler and a 2 day suitcase cause there's a place we like to drive way out in the country live miles out of the city limit we're singing and your hand's upon my knee so we're okay we're fine baby i'm here to stop your crying chase all the ghosts from your head i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed smarter than the tricks played on your heart we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart adding up the total of a love that's true multiply life by the power of two you know the things that i am afraid of i'm not afraid to tell and if we'd ever leave a legacy it's that we loved each other well i've seen the shadows of so many people trying on the treasures of youth a road that fancy and fast ends in a fatal crash and i'm glad we got off to tell you the truth cause we're okay we're fine baby i'm here to stop your crying chase all the ghosts from your head i'm stronger than the monster beneath yourbed smarter than the tricks played on your heart we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart adding up the total of a love that's true multiply life by the power of two all the shiny little trinkets of temptation (make new friends) something new instead of something old (but keep the old) all you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface (and remember what is gold) and it's fools gold fools gold fools gold (what is gold what is gold) and now we're talking about a difficult thing and your eyes are getting wet but i took us for better and i took us for worse and don't you ever forget it is the steel bars between me and a promise suddenly bend with ease and the closer i'm bound in love to you the closer i am to free so we're okay we're fine baby i'm here to stop your crying chase all the ghosts from your head i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed smarter than the tricks played on your heart we'll look at them together then we'll take 'em apart adding up the total of a love that's true multiply life by the power of two

Monday, May 22, 2006

A warm breeze blew in the scent of fresh cut grass while the cacophony of birds, automobiles and children beckoned me to join them. A morning shower, the smell of soap and the stroke of a razor; sides, cheeks, down the neck and around the beard. Over the head, sweeping away any trace of hair upon my head, an application of Bay Rum, soothing, blending, into a subtle smell only noticible to those that are close.
Loose fitting clothes and steeping barefoot upon the porch, coffee in hand, I ease into the day. A pipe, my Deacon's pipe, extending some eight inches long, filled with a custom blend black cordial, only seemed appropriate. Slightly stimulated by the use of caffeine and nicotine, I reflect on their misuse and their unfair labeling.
I retire to my back yard and stretch; gently, gently. I breath a cleansing breath and relax into a horse stance. Feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent, I raise my hands, palms inward, pushing outward with palms outward, they return to rest upon the site of the Dan T'ien and rest. In stillness I circulate the Chi round and round until it rests in a pulsating orb; energizing, a smile spreads across my face.
It is a good day.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Seventeen

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I suppose that he had once been loved, by someone, but that was hardly evident now. The rain continued down in buckets. While every effort was made to protect the mourner from the weather, my clothing was exceedingly wet and rivulets of water poured into the open ground from all four corners of the grave. The funeral director stood by, as is his duty, making the best of a delicate situation.

Words? For whom?

I pulled a cheroot from deep within my breast pocket and managed to light it with my trusty Zippo. The smoke dissipated quickly in the wind and I glanced over at the director obviously freezing to the bone. The whole event seemed so outrageous. I pulled out a flask of scotch and hit it hard in enjoyment of the blend of smoke and peat.

"O nex qua est they punctum," I yelled!

"O versterf waarheen zit zij steek!"

"Are you okay, sir" asked my funeral director friend.

"I am."

"Shall I leave you to be alone to grieve, sir" he asked sheepishly.

"You shall."

Remembering the days of flinging fists and bloodied noses. Remembering that it is raining like hell and that I am cold. Remembering that this body before is an empty shell, like standing before a pile of ashes and trying to remember the fire the preceeded the pile of soot at my feet.

It appeared natural to place my hands, palms together, and bow. To the universe, to the grave, to the shell before me hidden within the polished oak. With each of my three bows, I was filled with contentment.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Wouldn't it be nice......(?)......

......if you could tune in and find some pearls of wisdom?
......find something uplifting?
......enter the Tao?

It is getting interesting. I am not being apathetic. I am just realizing my lack of control over the rush of negative events.

I look at over 1,000 jobs per week. I suppose that at 51, ( a rather handsome 51, I might add) I could sell my home and relocate. I'm just not built that way. My grandkids are here, my roots, as shallow as they are, are here. So, I worked twelve hours overtime and it added only $100 to my take home pay. I had to borrow $20 to pay my mortgage leaving me with nothing for groceries or gas. In one week they are canceling my house and car insurance. I have a meager amount in a 401K. I am rolling over into a IRA and taking $2000 to bail me out. It will not be here in time. I can't pare down any more than I have. I have the computer because my youngest in in college and it is required.

Meanwhile, my oldest son, who has worn me out with his heroin addiction and bi polar disorder, is in trouble again. He is once again in over his head and is most likely going to perish. I have done all that I could do. I have bailed him out in an educational fashion time and time again. (See, this and this equal this. If you do this, this is what happens. I can only do this and this is what you must do)

Meanwhile...at the True Value store, I am taking over as the paint manager. I have an excellent color eye. A spectrophotometer, that measures color and assigns numerical values, is essential when it comes to approving color specifications. In my last position, my spectro was obsolete for two thirds of the year. I approved all colors by eye without one rejection. When it come to hardware stores, it is not as simple. Customers don't understand that colors will change depending on the light source. They don't understand that the dispensers are limited. Customers can be fickle. The contractors are more knowledgable.
But hey......we'll see where it all goes....

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.

A friend died last Friday. Her battle began several years back when she discovered that she had breast cancer. Although it responded well to treatment, a few years later, cancer was found in her leg. It was rough going. Several times it appeared as if she would win. And then, it was found in other parts of her body.
We were not present in her time of battle as she had chosen to distance herself from us. After her life partner had passed, (my mother in law) we were very close and had many good times together. As she withdrew from us and found new friends, we could only feel as if we had done something wrong. We can only speculate.
At the wake, we were the "Black Sheep" of the affair. We were listed last in the obituary. I was surprised that we were listed at all. During her battle with cancer, we only saw her once - at the funeral of our niece's baby.
I have disdain, more than grief. The hurt to the Lady; to be so shut out. The Lady would have given our friend more of herself than most.
The death of our niece's baby, and now of our friend / the Lady's mother's partner of over twenty years, has broken down the barriers between the Lady and her sister. A relationship that has been strained due to their drug use and interference with our oldest daughter and our wishes.
I am not sure if I am undergoing a sort of disassociative reaction in my older years, but the open door/ open arms way of life is over. Ever understanding and emphathetic has turned to a desire to be left alone. Years of bad behavior from family members, neighbors and the such, has me sidestepping them. I really don't care if I ever see any of them. Wish them well. Glad to give a smile and to say hello. But I don't want visits, holidays, get togethers.....
To see them at wakes and funerals is enough for me.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Don't you be talkin bout Jimi...You can't hear Jimi...

I tried to think of an analogy that would best describe the music of Jimi Hendrix in the context of his time. When the Beatles sang, "All you need is Love", and the Doors sang "Light my fire", Hendrix came along and played "Purple Haze", "Foxy Lady" and "Hey Joe" among many others. The guitar work exceeded that of his musician peers. Looking at "Little Wing" and "Vodoo Chile", in contrast to what other bands were creating within that same year, showed a style that was way before its time.
In 1968, as Christmas approached, I asked my parents for the "Are you Experienced" album. The album pix was a sight to behold. I knew nothing of the music or the band. I was listening to Petula Clark, Herb Alpert, and the Beatles. I couldn't imagine anyone looking as outlandish as the "Experience".
On my little record player, I set down the needle and began to listen. On a dark, cold night, as the wind whipped across the snow and the stars shown bright, "Third Stone from the Sun" began to play. It was completely different from anything that I had ever heard and I choked back a laugh. With a slight grin upon my face, I lay back upon my bed and looked up at the stars. Like fertile ground, I absorbed the sound deep within the pores of my mind.
I had an epiphany that day. My mind shifted. Beyond that point, I was never the same. It was something that I could not articulate. In trying, the message was lost.
Only those that know, know.