The Path of no path?

I have to admit, I am feeling the stress. And, if I were to review with you, step by step, all of the bullshit that life has and continues to hand me, you'd say I have every right to be stressed. But the "right" to feel stressed is not an issue for me. Homeostasis is. I have always found it - without looking for it; when I have been able to be commited to one thing. My daily meditation.
As I've discussed, problems that have complicated any reasonable schedule continued to plague. Then I lost my job. Although it was repeatedly denied by upper management, I saw it coming. My intuition accurately predicted the transition until it was almost scarey. So the company downsized from manufacturing to a distribution center and my services as Plant Manager were no longer needed. That's okay, I thought. I will have time to get up early, write my book, meditate, exercise......maybe even paint all the rooms in the house!
But alas, I have stayed up late, get up late, have drank too much, and my book has been growing ever so slowly.
I guess the only success I can claim is that on 2/15 I started to eat better and lost 3 lbs in a week. On 3/1 I will weigh in again. I'm not beating myself up for the not getting up early too bad. Its winter. My most difficult time of the year. In my twenties, I would gain 10lbs and lose it in early summer. Now, I have to work at it. Better not to gain the 10 lbs at all. Period!
I am confident that once I get under 180lbs, I will have more energy. I want to join the gym. It would be a first. I have equipment at home but its in my New England cellar w/o heat. At fifty, I need heat, Dammit!!!
By summer, I will be buff n' tuff.........Meditating daily....and hopfully reemployed.

Frog pond 

Nice long walk....a study in observation

In the brilliant sunshine, I took a walk in the New England mid twenty degree weather. Meditation acts as a tool to help you experience life in an objective manner. We all live subjective lives, always caught up in how this or that is affecting us. Walking into the wind, it felt more like ten degrees as the cold bit into my face. As an object of meditation, in observing without internal judgement or comment, this is what I found;
As my face became tight with the cold, I observed the reaction of my mind. Of course it was screaming, "get the hell outta here and into a warm place!" I observed the tightness of the skin on my face. My observation focused on my shoulders up high and stiff into my neckline. I noticed my hips tight and my stride stiff. My breathing was more robotic than natural.
As I began to notice, make note, and not just react to my thoughts, the shoulders relaxed and my arms began to swing in unison with my stride. My breath became natural and my legs had a spring in their step. I then observed how much useless energy was used to "react" to the first reaction in my mind. The desire to escape or keep warm.
In taking a view of my walk in a subjective way instead of our ususal personal subjective way, I became warm as I saved energy from relaxed muscles. The walk was relaxing and refreshing and the militaristic march faded away.
There is a flow that we allow to escape because we are too busy "reacting". Let us learn to let go and enter the flow. C'mon, I dare you!

Golden Buddha in the hills of Massachusetts. They have Buddhas in Massachusetts? Yeah, we have all kinds of stuff! 

Meditation...or how to turn down the volume of everyday life.....

Yes, meditation. We've all heard the word in its varying contexts. There is relaxation response, Buddhist, Taoist, Christian....But unless you want to be a Buddhist monk or laymen, A Taoist sage or follower, a Christian mystic or member of your local congregation (I've aspired to fill each role at one time) you need not dedicate yourself to any of the aforementioned paths. Of course, I do believe that each one has value. The volume of everyday life is such that we can't ever make up our minds which path to follow; or even if there is a path at all. By turning down the volume, we are able to see our lives clearly. Life is really about responsibility. Yeah, sounds pretty sucky, doesn't it! But the truth is, what we are now is the result of choices we made yesterday. To improve our tomorrow, we must make good choices now. This is self responsibility. Not what others do or do not do, but what I do or do not do. How often do we wander in confusion about how we can make our lives, "better"! We spend too much time wishing others would change or stop doing what we do not like...and yet, we do not have what it takes to seperate ourselves or to know if seperation is the answer. Confusion! Not, self responsibility.
I would like to start an informal on line meditation group. Friends taking self responsibility. But for now, alas I am an internet rookie. The best I can currently do is my blog.

I need a Fight

Sometimes, as a guy, you just have this pent up aggression. I mean, some wild, wild sex might help. But after 27 years of marriage, it is hard to find new things that will build you into a frenzy and leave you satisfied and exhausted at the same time. I am not a violent guy. Hate bullies. But a good rock'em sock'em, sounds like just what the doctor ordered. The same, dismal fact is...and I HATE, DESPISE, did I say hate????? about myself is, my body let me down. In 1987 I had an injury that kept in a back brace for 2 years, a t.e.n.s unit for 2 more...Damn I was on disability for 5 years. Now, I'm doing pretty well. But at 50 yrs old, you do have some regrets. I miss strength. I am bound and determined to gain my flexability and strength. Not so I can beat anyone up. Its just one of my goals. Rambling crap here, I know. But thats my blog. If you don't like it, let me know and I'll kick your ass! Ahhhhhhhh...that felt good!

We're all in this together...SO - Never feel alone!

It's so interesting. When I read other Blogs...we are so different, yet so simular in our experience and our reactions. The stressors of our relationships, occupations, shitty weather, politics.....it's so easy to say "fuck you" and withdraw from all the crap we have to deal with.
What I have experienced from my daily meditation, when I am committed to it, puts me in a place of observation instead of a place of reaction. Things are more humorous and less personal...the personal begins to disappear. When you realize that our experiences, reactions, etc...are just part of being human, you begin to relax. Even the fact that I lose my way and have to rediscover several times over, that I am indeed off the mark, is part of being human. But my periods of flowing with the Tao, in daily meditation, in maintaining good health, in being an observer more than a reactor.....are becoming longer and more ingrained into my being. It's a better place.

Continued........

Well, the first few days are going well. Meditation each day. Exercise. Will weigh in on 2/22/05...Pretty exciting, huh? Got my 1st unemployment checks today. (3 at once!) Between severance pay and 30 weeks of unemployment, I should be fine. Looking for a new job sucks. It's been my burden about every 10 years. Can anyone say, Amen? I turned fifty this year. Today is my wedding anniversary. (27 yrs) Still not excited for me? I know, I know, pretty boring stuff. But I'm just getting started. Blogging is a new relationship for me. Be patient. Please comment.

and....last but not least - another Grandaughter 

My Grandaughter 

another favorite - my new Grandson 

This is one of my Favorite things...Well, two at one time. Autumn in New England and my 1973 Ghia 

Fighting weight

I am my healthiest @ 176-183 Lbs. This is the weight of the light heavy weight boxing division and it suits me perfectly. After almost a decade of pain disability 1987 and beyond, I gained 15 - 3o- Lbs...my mobility was limited. I finally diagnosed myself as having type 2 diabetes, which the Dr. confirmed. I find that if I manage to keep my weight under 180, I am medicines free and find myself damned healthy. But as in all good things...they come to an end. With stress, and forgetfulness, I find myself @ 195 Lbs and my blood sugar this a.m. was 148 (70-120 is normal).
So, I got up early this morning...had my a.m. meditation...had a great walk yesterday...time to get the proverbial shit together.

It happens. We lose our way. But take heart, for while on the downside we sharpen our intuition and learn life's most valuable lessons. When on top, we forget all but enjoyment and some of the most valuable lessons get slowly dropped. Meditation, for example. I have learned that for me, it is like sharpening a knife. Once we begin to slip away from our practice the day comes where we are confronted by the dullness...and we're shocked!
Well, for those that know something of the I-Ching....Hexagram 49 (Molting) has been a constant since late last year. It is a time for me to get back on the horse. To get back to that which has proven itself to me...to be important.
Things to find:
Meditation
lose weight (15 lbs)
get back into shape and exercise
find a job
finish my book

Me and my 1973 Karmen Ghia. Yeah, just like the one used in those commercials! 

Redemption Rock 

a day in the life

Unemployed due to company downsizing, writing a book, planning to get back into shape starting tomorrow. I have been drinking too much since the permanant lay off on January 7th, and the morning meditation has become almost non existant.
A web associate stated that this time has been selected as the "reinvention of Tao". I hope to use this space to vent, speak of my sucess, hear from some of you comments and perspectives that will allow a deeper personal insight into what it means to be a human being.
tao1776